how I came to be
by chekov23
Summary: These are the adventures of Rowan. A human child born and raised on Vulcan because of her mother abandoning her there. Will she sacrifice everything to save the ones she loves? SpockXOC
1. Enchanted

**How I Came To Be**

**Prologue:**

A long time ahead in the future, on a quaint little planet called Vulcan, for the first time a human child was born, her name Rowan. Rowan's mother was part of the Kelvin crew but it blew up taking her husband along with it. A year later she went to Vulcan to make an empty grave for him since he always loved it there and that's when she gave birth. She had no idea who the father was since it happened so suddenly. Having feared for her child from herself, she couldn't take care of her two kids at home let alone a third, she gave her up to one of the nurses. Rowan grew up the Vulcan way, she was always bullied by others or treated differently because of her "disadvantage" as they would say when she was growing up, luckily she had a brother: Serron who always stood up for her. One day she was so sick of being picked on that she committed to the Vulcan way and she became a true Vulcan, her brother was not impressed, he wanted her to be strong, fight through it and embrace her true side but he let it be after she nerved pinched him. Rowan knew that she was adopted but she never knew the true story of why, she always thought that her mom died giving birth and her father died in the explosion of the Kelvin but she will learn the truth eventually.

* * *

**Chapter 1:**

Serron looked up at the baby cradled in his mother's arms, hesitantly cradling his arms so that he could hold it. When the small being was finally placed in his arms he felt his heart stuttered in his abdomen. Beautiful dark blue eyes blinked up at him from the red face. Tufts of black hair stuck up half haphazardly and the smile that played on the baby's lips made his own twitch. Happiness flooded through him, yes he felt bad for the child being abandoned by her mother but it was her loss and his gain, he always wanted a sister. He looked back at his mother and asked her the question that was the most pressing. "What's her name mother?"

"Well her mother never gave her one so let's call her…" The mother was in deep thought thinking of the perfect name, she didn't want a regular boring Vulcan name for the child since the child was special. After a few minutes in deep thought she finally came up with the perfect name "Rowan." She muttered softly to the child.

* * *

**Six Years Later**

"Rowan! Slow down!" Serron called as he followed his young sister at a dignified pace as she ran on ahead. Soulful blue eyes looked back at him from a pale face as black hair bounced around it. Bright pink lips were quirked upwards in a smile. The six year old girl then turned back and sped up. Although Serron knew he could catch up to her sister with ease he did not, preferring to let her have her fun. Rowan ran towards one of the tallest mountains in Shi'kahr. Her favorite white robe adoring her frames, there was a smattering of silver, pink and gold embroidered flowers on the robe as well. Serron had to suppress a smile as he looked at them, he knew she would like them just like he knew exactly how she liked her hair done when mother didn't have time do it for her and he had to help. Serron followed the young girl up the winding path up the mountain, watching as the robes became dirty when his sister slipped in the sand or tumbled over a rock. It wasn't until they were at the top that he noticed his sister stopped and was watching someone from behind a rock. Serron felt his blood run cold when he noticed that it was Spock, the half Vulcan he and Stonn regularly made fun of.

"Serron he's in my spot!" Rowan pouted, stomping her foot and crossing her arms in annoyance. Serron placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Hush Rowan, we can return later, after your classes." He tried soothing her hoping Spock hadn't been roused from his meditation.

"But Serron!" Rowan whimpered, her eyes filling with tears of disappointment. "You promised today! And we don't have time to go later." Serron sighed quietly before attempting to lead Rowan away to the other side of the mountain.

"Let us find another spot sister, we do not wish to interrupt." Serron looked back behind the rock, his eyes widened when he saw Spock was no longer in his place. He turned to usher Rowan along but froze, finding his sister and rival only inches apart. Rowan's mouth opened in a silent 'O' as she looked up at the tall imposing boy. She quickly took a step back, a squeak escaping her throat as she tripped over the train in the back of her robe. Serron lurched forward, hoping to catch her before she smacked her head off the rock but stopped at once as Spock caught her, cradling Rowan's head in the palm of one of his hand with the other wrapped around her little waist. Rowan looked up at the tall Vulcan smiling but still in shock.

"Thank you." She managed to say, there was something about him that seemed different and at the same time, her stomach fluttered.

"You're welcome." Spock replied looking at her, he too felt something. He helped her up and let her go join her brother. He left right away, he was scared of Serron and he knew what he was capable of and by the way he looked at him, with a death glare, Spock left before anything could happen to him.

* * *

**Three Years Later**

Rowan waited until Lady Amanda and ambassador Sarek had left before she went up to Spock, a small cloth and basin in her hands. Her hands shakily pressed the cloth to the thirteen olds split lip, watching as the white became lime green. Spock grasped her wrist after a few moments of her wiping away the blood.

"You are not required to do this, I can mend myself once I return home." Rowan smiled up at him, the innocence of a nine year old shining in her eyes.

"I know you won't Spock." She said softly, moving up to sit next to him, her hand resting lightly on his leg. Spock shook his head and leaned closer to Rowan, their foreheads nearly touching. "It is illogical for you to take care of me when it's your brother causing me this much pain."

Rowan humphed. "It's perfectly logical, especially since my brother is one of the ones causing pain." Uneasy silence past between them as Spock allowed the young girl to gently wash the blood from his knuckles. Spock blushed a bright green as their fingers brushed together. He immediately pulled his hand away.

"That will be enough!" He said his voice chocked. Rowan sat back in surprise before her head tilted to the side.

"What did I do?" She asked unaware of her slip up. Spock seemed out of words before he yanked her forwards by her shoulders. Rowan let out a squeak before her mouth collided with Spock's. Rowan's hand tightly fisting into his robe. It wasn't until she felt fingers brush against her temples that her eyes opened. Before Rowan could protest she was pulled into Spock's mind, the hot torrent of emotions making her dizzy. She wasn't sure how long they communicated without actually talking or how many memories and emotions they shared with each other before pulling apart, all Rowan knew was that when it ended she felt hollow inside. Rowan swallowed her mouth dry. "That was…"

She was cut off by Spock abruptly, he stood up off the bench and faced the person in front of him. "Serron." He said attempting to sound composed. Rowan immediately got up, nearly slipping in the water she didn't realize she had dropped. There was no time to say good bye as Serron pulled her away.

"Feel better." Serron growled through clenched teeth, glaring down at Spock. He wanted to say something else but he couldn't his sister was right there, she looked up to him as a hero and he didn't want to ruin that. Little did he know Rowan already knew he was the villain from the moments she shared with Spock, she just didn't know how to react.

* * *

**Six Years Later**

When Lady Amanda left, Rowan came out of her hiding spot. "Spock?" She called softly, getting his attention on her. Although he didn't smile visibly, Rowan could see the smile in his eyes. "Your mother is right, you'll do fine! There's no reason to be worried." She said resting her hands on his chest. Spock was much taller than her but Rowan didn't mind much. He was nineteen and joining the VSA, she was only fifteen and had a few more years before she even thought about joining them but she knew she would so that she could be with Spock and her brother. Spock brushed a kiss to her forehead as he threaded his fingers into her long hair.

"I find you much ascetically pleasing with your hair like this." He whispered referring to the fact that it was down instead of up in intricate braids. Rowan flushed brightly as he fondly ran a finger over the round of her ear. Rowan hummed softly as Spock pressed his fingers to her meld points and she let a sigh escape her mouth. Rowans eyes fluttered closed as Spock's cool calming mind pressed against her. Images flashed between the two of them, making Rowan grin. As the mind meld ended, Rowan couldn't stop herself from hugging him.

"I'll see you later." She breathed before pressing her pointer and index finger against Spock's in a Vulcan kiss. Later that night Rowan found out that Spock was not joining the VSA instead he was leaving for earth to become part of the Starfleet the next morning.

* * *

**Several Hours Later**

Serron flinched as he stood outside his sister's room, listening to her anguish sobs over the fact she was being left behind by the person she loved unconditionally. Serron didn't bother knocking on her door, he walked in taking in the shaking figure that was curled up in a ball on her bed. He hesitated for only a moment before he strode over to the bed and placed his fingers along her meld points. "Forget." Serron whispered breathed softly as he shifted through his sisters mind making her forget of all the times that her and Spock had spent together.

* * *

**Two Years Later**

Rowan cried out as a punch landed in her jaw, a sickening crack echoed through the air. A kick in the gut and another punch followed the first blow sending her sprawling to the ground. The next hour was a blur filled with her screams of pain, tearing cloth, bleeding and continuous blows. Nothing she said would make the end come, no matter how many tears fell nobody came to her rescue, nobody made them stop.

Rowan stared up at the red sky, stars were starting to shine and normally that would bring a smile to her face but all she could feel was unimaginable pain. Agony coursed through her body, no part of her didn't bleed or throb. Her vision was going dark, a quick image appeared before her, it was a Vulcan that looked at her with love in his eyes, telling her to fight back and her stomach fluttered, she was guessing one of her bullies looked like that or maybe it was the fact she was losing it so she might have imagined it. She could barely keep breathing. The reason for her pain was clear as day, it was because she wasn't Vulcan, because she showed her emotions freely, if it hadn't been for her emotions she wouldn't have been in trouble. An expression of realization flashed before Rowan's beat up and bloody face. Being emotional was what caused her this unbearable pain, it didn't take a genius to figure that out. That was the night Rowan realized she needed to follow the Vulcan way, she was only eighteen she had two more years until she could move away but she couldn't she wanted to join her brother at VSA. She lay there, bleeding into the sand for hours before warm arms picked her up, a hand soothingly stroking her head, lolling her to sleep.

* * *

**Six Years Later**

It's been six years since she committed the Vulcan way, since her mother being a nurse and a great surgeon helped her make a mold for her ear to make it look more Vulcan because even though she committed to the Vulcan ways people still made fun of her, so she did what she had to do and now people left her alone. Rowan finished her braid and looked into the mirror at her reflection, hating it, hating what she became. She never got accepted into VSA so she was stuck on Vulcan deciding what she wanted to do but every day she kept thinking and dreaming of joining Starfleet, she felt her heart belonged there. She got up and ran down the stairs to her mother. "Mother I want to join Starfleet." Rowan didn't notice her brother was here, he looked at her and she could see fear in his eyes while her mother was calm and like usual emotionless.

"Sister are you sure?" Serron asked fear rising in his voice. If she went there and met Spock she'll learn what he did and who knows what will happen then.

"I think that is the most logical thing for you to do, you can meet your parents there." Rowan looked at her mother with confusing in her eyes, her parents were dead or so she thought. "Your father did die on the Kelvin but your mother is still alive she abandoned you for some reason and so I took you in." Rowan stared at her mother feeling anger rising up inside her stomach but she thought it was just the Vulcan nachos she just ate a while ago since she was supposed to suppress emotions.

"Thank you mother I will go to the council and ask for transport to be ready for tomorrow." Rowan headed out for the door as Serron stared at her. He couldn't let her go, he had to convince her to stay. Later that night Rowan came back and started to pack, the council was all for it of her leaving tomorrow to join Starfleet, they even said they could do it right away but Rowan objected she needed sleep and to pack. As she packed away her things, Serron came storming in.

"You can't go to earth and be part of Starfleet." He managed to fight back the anger in his voice, even though his voice rose a bit.

"You heard mother it's the most logical thing to do. I'll meet my parents and get a job." Rowan responded sounding a bit more human than she had planned.

"Please don't go." Serron pleaded, the thought of what might happen if she met up with Spock haunted him all day.

"Well where else am I supposed to go? VSA won't let me in." Rowan yelled throwing her hands up in the air, it was at time like these she couldn't keep her emotions in check.

"You could be like mother or something else." Serron suggested biting his lip, hoping his suggestion would work.

"I'm leaving tomorrow and there's nothing you can do about it." She clasped her last bag shut and put it in the pile by the door, she then slammed the door in her brother's face so she could get some rest for her big day tomorrow. The next morning she said bye to her mother and brother, the only two that actually liked her, and headed towards the adventures that awaited her not knowing this will be her last time ever seeing Vulcan.


	2. Begin Again

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 2**

After a day of being stuck on a ship all by herself she finally ended up on earth. The bright sun shone through the gray clouds as the cold October wind blew in her face, she already missed the hot desert of Vulcan. Everywhere around her humanoids or other species on their phones or listening to music or talking loudly to one another. She saw the tall building of Star fleet and headed towards it as everyone stopped and stared at her. She got into the building and headed towards the office, to get things squared away.

"Rowan?" Rowan snapped up and looked in front of her, another Vulcan approached her, he looked familiar but she couldn't figure out why.

"Do I know you?" Rowan asked in confusion. Spock froze in his tracks and looked at her yup it was definitely her. Everything changed about her though, her bubbly personality was gone and she didn't smile like she did every time she saw him, everything about her screamed Vulcan. _What happened while I was away?_ Spock asked himself then the answer came to him, Serron finally got to her. The only thing bothering him now was why she didn't remember him.

"The council made contact with me and told me you were here so since I'm the only Vulcan here I decided to help you get accustomed to this new world." Spock said finally, it pained him to say that, they promised no secrets but she probably didn't remember that either. Spock turned around and picked up the papers for her, he handed them to her and he started to give the tour. He found an empty classroom and brought her into it. It was small with just a few desks and a large window overlooking a bridge and a lake. There were cobwebs and dust everywhere it looked as though it hasn't been used for a while. Spock examined her and noticed her ears, anger bubbled up inside him, what did Serron do to her? Spock thought for a minute of what to say without mentioning anything about their time on Vulcan. "Rowan you do realize you are human not Vulcan and the act you're doing is very offensive."

"Illogical." Rowan stuttered. _How does he know about me? Is my act that foreseeable? And why does he look so familiar? _These thoughts swirled through her mind over and over again like a movie reel. Spock looked at her, tears were fighting to come out. Spock hated this new Rowan, he wanted the one he knew to come back. He wanted so badly to see her bubbly personality, her bright smile and the pinkish glow on her cheeks.

"You are human!" Spock yelled trying to get the message in her head. He turned around and left before Rowan could say anything. Rowan stood there feeling the anger and confusion spreading through her. She was in deep thought. _He just showed emotion, yet he was Vulcan. Maybe he was like her or something along that line or different. Or maybe he was with humans for so long that he started to act like one. _These thoughts joined the others and kept screaming at her. Maybe one day, she would get some answers but not today, not when they were merely strangers.

* * *

Rowan went to her dorm first to drop off her stuff, her room mates were away for a while but she didn't mind, it would be nice if she had some time alone to get use to this whole new process. Afterwards she headed to her first class, she was hoping to see Spock since she learned that he was a teacher but instead it was someone else. The teacher was blonde with eyes that looked like hers, the similarities between her and Rowan were uncanny. After a long period of learning about space and the workings of ships, Rowan got out of her seat and got her bag packed, she needed to leave right away, if her calculations were right she needed to leave. She put one foot into the corridor when the teacher called her.

"Rowan, you grew into such a beautiful young woman. I'm your mother, Winona." She pulled Rowan into a motherly hug and before Rowan could say something, Winona pulled away and continued talking. "I don't know who your father is. I'm sorry for abandoning you but I couldn't raise my two sons let alone you. Your two brothers are Jim and Sam Kirk. I have no idea where they are though I left them and only visited them once and a while after my husband George died on the Kelvin and no he's not your father." Rowan stared at Winona for a minute in disbelief. She couldn't believe her.

"Bitch! Not only did you abandon me on Vulcan where I was beat up every day for being different but you also leave your other kids. What kind of person are you?" Rowan raised her hand and slapped Winona, yes it will probably get her expelled but she deserved it. Winona stared in shock, knowing she made a big mistake with her kids, she should've been there for them. Rowan stormed not wanting to see her face anymore, on her way out she bumped into Spock, the last person she wanted to see.

"Greetings, thank you for proving my point." Spock said casually hoping that it would click in Rowans head.

"What point?" Rowan glared at Spock and she was surprised to hear that tone of voice escape her mouth.

"You proved you are human." If Spock could smile, he would've done so now, he was proud of his victory but was it enough to convince Rowan and get the old Rowan back.

"Oh really?" Rowan growled. She raised her hand and nerve pinched Spock. "Vulcan enough for you?" She said before she left, she caused enough damage. Spock woke up, massaging his head, this wasn't the first time he got nerve pinched by her. There was another time that always made him want to laugh.

They were lying down on the mountain looking at the stars not caring what time it was.

"I find it illogical that people would beat you up." Spock looked at Rowan who was looking back at him with a raise eyebrow. She copied this from Spock because she found it quite funny and cute although no one could do it like him.

"How is that illogical?" Rowan asked curious to hear the answer.

"Well you're human and Vulcan's are stronger. There's no way for you to fight back without being brutally beaten." Spock shivered, the thought of her beaten scared him.

"True but I can nerve pinch them." Rowan smiled remembering the time she nerve pinched a bully.

"Illogical only Vulcan's can do that." Rowan was taken aback surely he wasn't serious but who knew with him.

"Oh really? Let me show you something." Rowan sat up and Spock followed. Rowan pinched his nerve and watched him pass out. She shook Spock awake and laughed at him.

"I was just faking it." Spock said when he got back up, straighten out his shirt. Rowan just rolled her eyes and kept laughing.

* * *

When she got back to her room, she collapsed on the bed, the whole day spinning in her head. She looked up and saw her reflection in the mirror, her long black hair flowed all around her shoulders and down her back. She loved it so much because it made her different from everyone else. That's when it hit her like a steel ton of bricks. The only reason why, was all the Vulcan's had short hair. She knew had she had to do, she got up to the mirror, scissors in her hand and she cut her hair, watching it fall into the trash bin. When she was done she looked into the mirror and was surprised she looked well more Vulcan. Little did she know she was becoming more human than she thought.


	3. Lightweight

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 3**

Rowan woke up the next day, rubbing the sleep from her eyes she looked at the time, it was 11:30. She lay back staring at the ceiling, she missed her class with her mother and she was pretty happy about it. She didn't want to see her today or ever again but she had to, to pass the course. She finally got out of her bed but didn't leave for class, lunch period was going to be soon anyway, she decided to figure things out and imaging her life if she actually wasn't abandoned and lived her life with her two brothers, whom she still had no idea where they were or what they looked like all she knew were their names. She found a small rectangular black box with different color buttons. Curious, she hit the red button and the box in front of her lit up and started to play sound and show images. Rowan jumped and stared at the TV. She remembered learning about these in class but she never actually thought she would see one since Vulcans found them illogical. She hit the red button again thinking it would turn it off and it did. The doors opened and two girls walked in, one was tall and skinny with short brown hair and hazel eyes. The other one was more petite with a perfect figure, she looked as though she walked out of a fashion magazine. Her hair was gold and perfectly straight, the kind Rowan had before she cut it and her eyes were an electric blue. They stopped talking and looked at Rowan at first with a confused look, but the blonde broke into a big smile showing perfect pearly white teeth.

"Bonjour! You must me our new roommate. I'm Genevieve I speak little englash not a lot though." The blonde said in her French accent. She graduated Starfleet at the age of eighteen but only in French so she came to America to learn English and to graduate from here so she could go on the Enterprise, a dream she had since she learned about it.

"Hello chaps!" The brunette said afterwards in her British accent. "I'm Aaliyah." Aaliyah joined for more personal reasons, reasons which she hated talking about it, she only ever told it to one person, Genevieve. Her and Genevieve had been friends since she was hired to be Genevieve's translator when they started Starfleet but she gotten better at it so Aaliyah didn't have to worry about it as much.

"Greetings, I'm Rowan." Rowan looked at them and they seemed like pretty nice people. Hopefully they would get along. Aaliyah and Genevieve were sort of scared of Rowan because they heard about what she did and were pretty shocked to see her still here in the school.

"Good show! Now that we know each other here's a little gift. If you ever need us for anything call us. It's all setup for you. Our names and numbers are in your contact list." Aaliyah handed her the cellphone she bought earlier for her as a friendly gesture, shocked that she didn't use cellphones, on her home planet. How did they survive without texting, music or internet? Rowan grabbed the phone and looked at it. Like the TV, Vulcans found phones illogical; it was illogical for them to talk to one another through a small device, it was more logical to talk to one another in person.

"Aaliyah ze show is on!" Genevieve was jumping up and down excited.

"But we have to go to class in half an hour, we don't have time for chagrin." Aaliyah said trying to calm her down and it didn't help that she used French terribly.

"C'est chagrin. And it is ze best show ever!" Genevieve pouted giving her the best puppy dog eyes she could manage.

Aaliyah sighed and shook her head. "You don't mind do you?"

"No." Rowan responded. She wanted to see what the TV was capable of. Genevieve smiled, curled into a ball on the bean bag chair and turned the TV on the right channel.

"I'm sorry for that governor but since she's from France, she only watches shows in French until she has a better understanding in English. Chagrin means heartache and it's her favorite teen drama." Aaliyah explained before she was hushed by Genevieve but she kept talking anyway. "I think all of us are going to be great friends." Rowan wanted to smile, she was glad she had friends especially since she was beat up all her life and had no friends but of course she won't show it.

* * *

Rowan's room was surrounded by pumpkins with a little light in them, adding a bit of light to the dark room. She was stretched out on the couch wearing her costume even though she said she wasn't going to bother. Halloween was Aaliyah's favorite time of the year, so she forced Rowan to celebrate and since Genevieve loved fashion and dressing up she forced Rowan to dress up. She, Rowan and Aaliyah all went out and got their hair done and bought their costumes. Rowan found a beautiful electric blue dress that she fell in love with, she bought it not caring if Winona went broke because of it, she then took off the molds on her ears so she could be her original self for Halloween.

"Joyeux Halloween." Genevieve walked in first looking like always perfect. Her short white dress fitted her figure perfectly, while the high heels made her look taller than she actually was and the golden halo atop her head made her hair look more gold.

"Happy Halloween!" Aaliyah walked in, her eyes wide in excitement, her gown swishing around her. Rowan recognised her as a princess of old England. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah one sec." Rowan slid on her blue flats that came with the dress and grabbed her purse.

"Oh mon dieu. You look amazing. J'adore le costume. At first I thought it was a terrible idea but non it's not. How did you get ze ears so human like?" Genevieve smiled at her creativity and she was impressed Rowan could pull it off.

"I used an um…mold." Rowan lied quickly, feeling bad after all they did.

"That's magni…"

"Hurry! The bar closes in thirty minutes." Aaliyah interrupted, she didn't want to miss out on the Halloween party at the usual hangout for Starfleet students. A few minutes later they were finally there, the place wasn't badly crowed since it was late but it was fairly packed with Starfleet students, Genevieve froze when she saw Jim Kirk in the dark corner looking at her, she blushed wildly until another chick came and took the attention away from her, jealousy rose in her stomach, she had a major crush on him since she first saw him at Starfleet on her first day. "Cheers!" Aaliyah yelled over the noise after she ordered the drinks. Rowan took a sip and the whole thing gave her an energized boost, it burned a bit but it felt good, it released all the stress. A few drinks later, Rowan was getting giggly while the two girls recounted their fondest Halloween memories.

Spock came in a little while later, the head of Starfleet academy wanted to make sure no one was getting to drunk or getting into fights since they had to be in class the next day. He saw Rowan and for the first time in a long time she was like the way she was back on Vulcan except for the fact that her hair was shorter, if he remembered correctly it was what humans call a pixie cut. Her smile lite up the room as she was goofing off with her friends and her blue dress brought out her eyes and made them sparkle, a smile was forcing its way out but he fought it back.

As Rowan took another sip from her drink, she noticed Spock, there was a strange tug in her gut of familiarity, _maybe it's the alcohol, _she thought. She smiled at him and invited him over but Spock left without a hello or goodbye.


	4. Sad, Beautiful, Tragic

**How I Came To Be**

**Sorry I haven't posted recently, I was very busy with projects, homework and I was very sick. So I decided to post two chapters today and a heads up my friend is going to hack my account and edit it. Enough talking here are the next two chapters of How I came To Be enjoy!**

**Chapter 4**

A few months later

Rowan was on top of all her classes, if everything goes right she'll be able to graduate in a year. She hasn't seen her mother since she switched out of her class into another one and her friends became like sisters to her, life was good but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing and she couldn't figure out what. Rowan was in her quarters, Aaliyah was away on some important mission and Genevieve was finishing up her exams so she was all by herself and engrossed in a book. Her phone went off making Rowan jump, she didn't realize she had her phone on or with her for that matter. "Hello?"

"Rowan!" It was Genevieve she could tell by the faint French accent in the voice.

"You have five minutes left." Said another voice in a monotone robotic voice. Rowan was scared, she never heard the phone say this before and she wasn't sure what it meant. Yes she was smart but she didn't learn much about these due to the fact she never used them.

"Hurry! The phone says I'm almost out of minutes." Rowan didn't really care if she showed fear in her voice, she needed to know what the voice meant.

"You bloody git! You forgot to pay the bill! I'm gone for a few days and forgot to do that? You'll forget your brain if it wasn't attached to your bloody head! Stupid git!" Aaliyah yelled over the phone since they were on speaker phone, giving Rowan a headache.

"Je m'excuse mais Rowan…" From the way her voice was, it was urgent but what was urgent?

"You are out of minutes." The monotone robotic voice said cutting off Genevieve in mid-sentence. _Is the phone going to explode? Or does it mean I'm going to die? _Rowan asked herself, trying to find a logical answer. Scared she threw the phone across the room. She curled back up under her covers and continued to read as if nothing happened. There was a knock on her door, confused she got to the door and opened it. Spock stood there in the doorway, his face was calm but you could see some tears that escaped streaming down his cheeks. Spock knew that he was crying in front of someone who thought he was merely just a stranger but he had to see her, not only was Vulcan her home too but also because last time he cried she was there cheering him up even though it was his fault that he cried.

Spock came up to Rowans room, he had to make sure she was okay especially after what just happened between her and her brother. It wouldn't have happened if she hadn't interfered. He knocked on her door and heard a little voice saying enter. Rowan was hiding half her face in the shadows, she had to make sure he couldn't see the bruise forming on her cheek or that her jaw slightly off because then he'll blame himself when it was no one's but hers.

"Rowan are you alright?" Spock asked curious as to why she was hiding, was it that bad?

"I'm fine." Rowan said quickly, hoping he would go away. She smiled her best smile, even though it hurt, to convince him everything was alright but it didn't work out like she had hoped.

"You took your brothers punch that was meant for me. I don't believe you." Rowan turned her head ever so slightly to look straight at him. Spock froze in place, seeing the bruise that covered her whole cheek and seeing that her jaw slightly off made his stomach turn with a mixture of sadness and anger. He was upset with himself for not stopping her from stepping in front of him as her brother flew his fist.

"Don't cry it's not your fault, it's no one's fault. I rather it be me and not you. Maybe now my brother will stop because he now knows hurting you is like hurting me." Rowan explained when she saw the tears rolling down his cheeks, she wasn't sure if it was tears of anger or sadness or a mixture of both. Spock closed his eyes to gather his thoughts but he couldn't, more tears started to roll down his cheeks. "Besides you're tears show emotion and emotions are illogical." She said, doing her best impersonation of Sarek (Spock's dad) making Spock feel a bit better. He kissed the bruise on her cheek and left, he didn't want her to see him like this no matter how hard she tried to make him feel better it didn't quite work. He felt guilty for what happened and nothing was going to change that.

"Vulcan has been destroyed." Spock said, wiping the few escaped tears away. Rowan stood in the doorway in silence, frozen in her spot. She started to cry, for her brother and mother the only two people who actually liked her and Amanda a friend of hers although she had no idea of how they became friends, it was probably because they were both the only humans on Vulcan. She looked away for a minute trying to gather her thoughts when she saw something glinted in the light catching her eye, it was a pair of scissors, the ones she used to cut her hair. She went towards them, forgetting Spock was there watching her, she held the scissors in her hand wondering if what she was going to do was the logical way out. She closed her eyes tight, thinking of happy thoughts and plunged the scissors closer to her heart. When nothing happened she opened her eyes, she was startled to see the dark brown eyes of Spock's so close to hers and to feel his cold hands on hers preventing her from stabbing it in her heart.

"What are you doing? I'm not Vulcan and I have no one left now that my family is gone. Why are you stopping me?" Rowan burst into tears, letting them come out not caring about her running makeup or the fact a stranger was in front of her.

Spock stared at her not sure what to say without mentioning Vulcan, it seemed like a bad time to show her his memories of the time they spent together on Vulcan. "I'm stopping you because you still have people who care about you, your actual family, your friends and…" Spock stopped for just a second but he decided to go for it maybe it would jog her memory. "And me."

Rowans heart skipped a beat. _Is this a heart attack? Was the phone right was I out of minutes? _Rowan asked herself nervously.

"My human mother, Amanda, died right in front of me. I know how you feel, it's going to be alright." Spock continued trying to calm her down and hoping she remembered his mother, that to could jog her memory and it did. "We should go now, your brother is probably looking for you."

"Yeah, um give me a second, tell him I'll be there in a bit." Rowan watched Spock leave and she shut the door behind him. She leaned her head against the door in deep thought. She was thinking about the fact that his mother was her friend _maybe that's why he looked familiar, I must have seen him once_ _and I don't remember cause we probably didn't talk much we probably just ignored each other. _But even she knew and felt like she was lying _then what was this feeling of familiarity and what was with my heart skipping a beat every time I see him?_She pondered until she finally gave up and headed out to meet her half-brother.

* * *

Rowan stared at the tall metal doors in front of her, on the other side was her half-brother Jim. She got closer and closer, taking small, slow steps closer to the door, she was so nervous that she was about ready to go and hide somewhere where no one could find her.

"Allons-y" Genevieve pushed Rowan closer to the door, Rowan froze in place right in front of the door.

She raised a shaky hand to the door handle but threw her hand down right away. "I can't go in there. What if he doesn't like me?"

"Are you showing fear? I thought Vulcans don't show fear. They're supposed to be tough and scared of nothing." Aaliyah didn't know the full truth about Rowan neither did Genevieve. They both thought she was pure Vulcan and that she wanted to meet Jim because she wanted to be part of the Enterprise since he was the new captain, only half of that was true.

"Besides there iz nothing to be afraid of. Jim is smart, great, hot…" Genevieve voice trailed off as she got lost in her own little word. Rowan looked at her with a disgusted face, yes she didn't know her half-brother but still she found it disgusting.

"You fancy Kirk?" Aaliyah started to laugh at her which only made her mad. Genevieve started to swear in French at Aaliyah but it only made her laugh harder. Rowan decided she rather be meeting her half-brother than stay here so she opened the doors and walked in. The graduation ceremony was over so the hall was practically empty, she saw a young blonde man with bright blue eyes, like Rowan's, talking to someone in a wheelchair, feeling like she was interrupting on something important she turned around to leave but the blonde looked up and saw her.

He excused himself and ran up to her. "Hey I'm Jim. You're Rowan right? Winona's kid?" Rowan nodded, a bright smile spread across his face and he pulled her into a hug, he always wanted a little sister. When Winona told him about her, he was pretty pissed at her for abandoning yet another kid but he was glad to have another sibling it was a second chance, this time he won't mess up like he did with Sam. Rowan didn't know what to do and when she didn't react, Jim pulled away confused until he noticed the ears. "Shit! My mom hooked up with a Vulcan? That's a low blow even for her. And not only do I have to deal with that other pointy eared bastard but you to? Crap! Oh well you're my sister I'll put up with you." Rowan felt hurt when he said that,_this is what I was afraid of happening, at least I tried. _But that hurt turned into anger and she didn't know why but when he called Spock a pointy eared…well you know, the anger appeared,_why do I care about what he thinks of Spock? _She asked herself, she hated these emotional roller coaster and questions she couldn't answer.

"No our mother did not hook up with a Vulcan!" The words were tumbling out of her mouth before she could act upon them. "She left me on Vulcan where I was bullied and beat up and forced to be raised like one. So if you don't respect my life style or choices, then I suggest you bloody well leave me alone!" Rowan wanted to say something about Spock and how he wasn't what he said he was but she didn't know him very well so she didn't bother. When she finished she realized Aaliyah has worn off on her.

"Whoa! You've got some attitude. Vulcan with an attitude, I like you already. And don't worry I'll respect you because of what our mother did." Kirk smiled and Rowan calmed down a bit, he seemed like a pretty cool guy.

"Thank you and for the last time I'm not an actual Vulcan."

"Rowan! There you are." Genevieve came up behind Rowan when she realized Jim was staring right at her. "Hi Kirk." She said quickly and hid in her hair.

"Hey Genevieve right?" Genevieve nodded calmly but on the inside she was freaking out. "Anyway Rowan how would you feel to join me on the Enterprise?"

"I would like to but I haven't graduated yet."

"I'm the captain so I can do what I want." This was the one thing Rowan didn't like about him, the way he acts self-centered and like he was superior to everyone. "Genevieve you are also joining since you just graduated today. So I want both of you to be down here tomorrow so we can go to wherever the Federation wants us to go. Understand?" Both girls nodded their heads and Jim kept talking. "Right okay. If you don't mind my sister and I have a lot of catching up to do so I'll see you tomorrow. Bye!" Rowan and Kirk walked away despite the fact Rowan wanted to go hide but maybe he'll be a cool brother like the one she had on Vulcan, thinking of him brought her to tears but she pushed them away so she wouldn't upset Jim. Genevieve stared at them with a confused look thinking _his sister?_


	5. Here We Go Again

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 5**

"I can't believez it, after years of studying and working I'm finally going on ze Enterprise and with me best friends!" Genevieve shouted as she threw clothing in one of her numerous bags. "Aaliyah can I ask you some zing?"

"If it's about the last mission, I'm not saying anything, I don't want to relive any of that. So much death." Aaliyah shivered at that memory, she was glad she wasn't on one of the ships that blew up. She also didn't want to recount Vulcan blowing up in front of Rowan, it would ruin the moment of excitement.

Rowan saw the sorrow in Aaliyah's eyes and changed the subject, she also didn't want the retelling of Vulcan blowing up. "There's something I want to ask you both but you can't tell anyone okay?" Rowan asked curiosity rising in her voice. She needed to know about this whole feeling she felt towards Spock.

"Yes what?" Aaliyah and Genevieve asked at the same time. They wanted to know what was up with Rowan, she has been acting weird lately or maybe they'll know why Jim keeps calling her sister or maybe even both.

"What is this feeling? So sudden and new? I felt it the moment I laid eyes on him. My pulse is racing, my head is reeling and my face is flushing. It's fervid as a flame. What is it?" Rowan described the best way she could without saying too much.

"Ah c'est l'amour." Genevieve sighed in a dreamy way.

"Rowan you're in love!" Aaliyah squealed.

"In love?" Rowan knew what that meant she just refused to believe it, she never loved anyone in her life except her Vulcan family.

"Yes! You have a strong compassion towards someone." Aaliyah was still squealing.

"It seems as though you know the feeling."

Aaliyah stopped smiling and stared at Rowan with sad eyes. "You seem to show a lot of emotions for a Vulcan." Aaliyah quickly changed the subject, she didn't want to go down that sad road. Yes she loved someone, she was even going to get married but he died from some unknown disease where there was no cure for. She still kept the ring on a chain around her neck, if anyone asked she would say it was a family heirloom. Rowan noticed the change in subject so she went along with it.

"It because I'm not Vulcan I'm human." Rowan took off the molds on her ears and her two friends stared at her with a deer in the headlights look while their jaw hit the floor. "Kirk calls me his sister because we are half-siblings. Our mother abandon me on Vulcan so I was bullied and beaten every day and forced to grow up like one." Tears swelled up in Rowan's eyes, thinking of Vulcan was still tough.

"That's terrible." Aaliyah thought her story was bad but it was nothing compared to Rowan's.

"Walnuts are very lonely mais zey won't admit it." Genevieve said out of the blue, she didn't want any more sob stories, she always hated them and it always brought her back to hers.

"What?" Aaliyah was used to her crazy so she didn't bother asking but Rowan wasn't so it took her by surprise.

"Ze walnut represents you, Rowan. You're very lonely but since you were raised as a Vulcan you won't admit it. Oh! It iz eight time for chagrin." Genevieve grabbed the remote and turned on the TV before anyone could protest.

"Makes sense." Aaliyah said before she was hushed by Genevieve. Rowan hunched her shoulders and let the whole thing pass. Rowan stared at the TV, watching chagrin but she wasn't paying much attention to it. She was in deep thought, some questions were answered but not the one that bugged her the most, why does he look so darn familiar. She turned her attention back to the TV but she couldn't keep her eyes open so she let them close. In her dream, she was on Vulcan, in front of her was the thirteen year old version of herself and a teenage version of…Spock? _Yup that's him_. She said to herself. They were talking about something but she couldn't hear what and then they kissed. Rowan woke up with a start, in shock of what she just saw, she flew out of her chair and headed towards the door.

"I'll be right back there's something I must do." She said to her friends before the doors closed behind her.

She finally got to the science fiction aisle in the library and there was Spock engrossed in a book, she had no idea how she knew he was going to be here she just did.

"Rowan what are you doing here?" He got up and walked towards her. Rowans heart was racing, could she actually go through with this?

"Would you tell my brother if I kiss you? I don't want any of us getting kicked off when we just got on because well you know my brother." Rowan asked full of hope, she wanted to see if there was an actual connection between them. Rowan took a few more steps toward him and went on her tiptoes, even though she was wearing high heel shoes he was still taller than her, like around a foot taller. Spock leaned in the rest of the way, wanting to feel their connection and the taste of her lips again. As soon as their lips touched, Spock decided to show her everything she seemed to have forgotten. Everything from the first time they met to the time he left but only short second glimpses. Rowan wrapped her arms around his neck for support while Spock pulled her closer to him not breaking the meld. Realizing where he was he pulled away. Rowan stared at him in shock, trying to gather the newest memories she just saw.

"You…me…Vulcan?" Was all she could say, not only was she light headed from the kiss but because of what she just saw, it was still playing in her head like the repeat was stuck.

"Yes. There was some sort of barrier blocking your memories of us." Rowan nodded and thought back to what she saw, _how can I forget any of this?_She pondered.

"Can you help me remember?" She asked with a pleading tone and the best puppy dog eyes she could muster.

"Of course it's only logical." Rowan giggled and she could feel her cheeks flushing. "We should go before people notice us missing." Spock turned to leave but Rowan grabbed onto his wrist. Spock stopped and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"I…I…I love you." Rowan whispered so no one could hear. She never told her mother or brother this on Vulcan and they were taking away so fast, so she had to say it because of what might happen in the unforeseeable future and she wanted him to know that if anything did happen to him.

"I love you to." Spock said forcing the happiness down but you could still see it in his eyes, he was so happy he finally got to say that again after years of waiting. He gave Rowan one last kiss, regretting the fact he had to pull away again. Both he and Rowan walked away feeling the happiest they felt in a long while.


	6. The Grand Illusion

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 6**

The bright morning sun hit Rowan in the eyes causing her to squint, she bundled up against the cold February wind, she may have been on earth for four months but she was still not used to the cold weather, she preferred hot, hazy and humid weather like on Vulcan. She still missed Vulcan and she still hasn't accepted the fact she'll never see her brother or mother ever again, that she'll never have the chance to tell them about her travels around the galaxy.

"Ain't she a beauty?" Kirk said, interrupting her thoughts. Rowan stopped for a minute and looked up at the Enterprise. It was bigger than she thought, with a saucer like disc at the front and two large thrusters in the back. She was about to set foot on the stairs when a Vulcan child came running up to her. He looked to be about ten years old with the usual haircut that Vulcans have (black and bowl cut) but there was one spot that was shorter than the rest, hidden underneath was a scar that was still healing and his eyes were bright green and emotionless.

"May I?" The child asked, holding his hand up so he can mind meld and tell Rowan everything. Rowan nodded and bent down so she was at eye level with him. "Our minds one and together." He mumbled and Rowan was sucked into his head. _"Hello. I knew you were going to come today which is why I refused to go to new Vulcan. When Vulcan was about to get sucked in the black hole I got hit in the head, I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for whoever saved me. When I woke up I had visions at first I thought they were just dreams but they came true so I knew that I could see the future. I had so many visions of you, adopting me and raising me. These visions were all happy dreams until a few nights ago when the visions became nightmares. I have to warn you. Be careful with the ones you call friends because one will betray you. And you will have to choose between sacrificing everything or let everyone you love die."_ Before the meld was broken Rowan saw images that made her blood run cold. Right before her eyes the Enterprise blew up and nothing was left but the stars and space.

Rowan took a deep breath; she was scared of going out in space, now that she knew what was going to happen. "Can this all change?" Rowan asked her voice shaky.

"The future can always change. But it's up to someone to do so." The kid replied. "You should leave now; your brother is getting impatient. He's coming to see what the holdup is. I'll see you back on new Vulcan that is of course if nothing changes."

Just like he said, Jim came up behind her wondering what the holdup was. Rowan got up and apologized and went towards the ship with shaky steps. "Please watch your head." Jim smiled, he was so glad to back in a place where he was in control. Genevieve being distracted by Jim totally forgot what he said and whacked her head on the lower beam of the entrance. He walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Are you alright?"

Genevieve looked up, her electric blue eyes met Jim's dark blue eyes, she started to blush a little, she felt like such a fool. "Oui…uh…yes." She mustered, trying her hardest to not freak out.

Aaliyah walked up to her friend to check the damage. "She's fine." Aaliyah concluded, noticing Rowan trying her hardest not to laugh. After a small tour of where everything is on the ship and Jim going on about rules and regulations everything was in order. Genevieve was a yeomen, even though she had high grades and all she insisted to be one and only Rowan and Aaliyah knew why, it was so she could be closer to Jim. Aaliyah was, like last mission, a nurse.

Rowan sat in the captain's chair (just to bug her brother of course) while waiting for Jim's return. Pavel Chekov, a short, curly blonde haired man who's about seventeen years old and the navigator of the enterprise sat at the conn while looking at her with a jealous look in his eyes. "Get out of my chair!" Jim yelled at a reasonable volume.

"Why should I?" Rowan asked her voice full of attitude.

"I'm the captain." Jim replied, trying to stop himself to pick her up and force her out.

"Yeah? So? Your point?" Rowan retorted smiling a cheeky smile.

"I'm the captain, therefore I can kick you off or send you to the brig." Jim said victoriously, he finally won. Rowan sighed and very slowly got out of the chair. Pavel smiled and returned back to paying attention to the conn. "Now, Rowan I would like to introduce you to first officer Spock. Rowan, Spock. Spock, Rowan. Sis, you're not a graduate, you're only a junior science officer therefore you'll be following Spock around learning stuff since you're technically still in school. If you complete a mission you won't have to do exams. By the way, I think you guys will get along great." Jim explained, he patted them on the back and sat down in the captain chairs. "Everybody stations. Chekov put in the coordinates." Jim ordered.

"Already done keptin." Pavel said in his thick Russian accent, smiling brightly.

"Alright, Sulu warp speed."

"Aye sir."

As Rowan watched earth disappear in a flash of light, she held in a smiled, if only he knew. She and Spock got along very well ever since they were kids more so now than before.

Rowan was so used to waking up to the bright morning sun hitting her eyes, that when she was out in space where it was full darkness except for the stars, she slept in without realizing it. She slipped into her uniform and headed down to the dining hall to meet up with her brother.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." Jim said as Rowan walked in and sat between him and Spock.

"Morning." She responded in a sleepy voice.

"Here this will help you wake up also Genevieve said it was your favorite." Jim slid over the cup of coffee towards Rowan. She picked it up, having no idea what it was. She took a sniff; it was coffee, one of her favorite drinks on earth. It gave her a buzz that made her energized and awake; she found it quite…fascinating.

"Thank you." Rowan said in a more perky voice, she was already energized from just a sip.

"You're welcome. Hey Spock, I never asked you this but how are you and Uhura working out?" Rowan chocked on her coffee when Jim asked this. She managed to swallow it back down and she looked at Spock with a raised eyebrow. Spock looked at her for a minute, knowing he had to answer the question correctly or he would hear it later. "We haven't talk in a while. It didn't work out." Spock responded truthfully. Rowan nodded her head slightly to show him that she agreed with his answer.

"Too bad, you guys would've made a cute couple right Rowan?" Jim asked her, elbowing her so she would answer. He asked again when she had a mouthful of coffee so she had to force it down again. Before she could answer her brother got called down to the bridge. "Well I got to go, see you guys later." Jim waved bye and walked away.

When he was gone, Rowan asked the one question that was on her mind. "Uhura and you?" The jealousy clear in her voice even when she tried to hide it. Now some people would find it cute that there significant other is jealous but Spock did not. He got up to leave, hoping if he left she would just leave things alone but she didn't. Rowan grabbed on his ear and pulled him down. "Tell me or else."

"Threats are illogical." Spock said trying to ignore the pain in his ear.

"Don't start with me, now tell me." Rowan hissed, her eyes glinting viciously in the light.

"It would be most wise if you let go. I do not wish to harm you but if you don't let go, I'll have no choice." Spock said, attempting to keep his voice monotone. Rowan dug her nails into the sensitive flash at the tip of Spock's ear, but not so much that it drew blood. Spock fought back a flinch as he took in a quick breathe of air. "I shall tell you, I do not wish for my past relationship with lieutenant Uhura to jeopardize the relationship we are attempting to be once more."

Pleased with herself for winning, Rowan let go. When she did Spock walked away quickly with dignity…well more like bolted. Rowan glared after him and took a deep breathe. "I'm going to get ya one way or another. You can run but you can't hide." Rowan said not to loud but it didn't matter, Spock would've heard it anyway thanks to his super hearing. The ravenette flattened out her uniform, finished up the last bit of her coffee and turned to walk to her station, a plot forming in her head.

Rowan's leg couldn't stop shaking her leg and she was chewing her lower lip like crazy, with one question on her mind. "Spock why won't you tell me about you and Uhura?" She asked unable to keep the question in anymore.

"Now is not the time for that." Spock replied avoiding eye contact by looking straight at the science station table. He looked up for one second to see Uhura looking at him. She didn't know why he stopped talking to her or why he broke it off, she just wished they could get back together. She saw Rowan, the newest member sitting right next to him, she was pretty close to him and jealousy rose in her stomach.

"You still have feelings for her don't you?" Rowan asked, wishing it wasn't true.

"Illogical. Vulcans don't have feelings towards others." Spock said finally breaking the gaze from Uhura. At the last minute, he realized he said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

"Nice to know, that you don't care for her anymore. And it's even better that you don't feel a thing for me." Rowan pushed herself away from the table and stormed away, bumping into her brother.

"Hey what's wrong?" Jim asked when he saw the anger in his sister's eyes.

"Nothing. I'm fine." Rowan snapped.

"Are you sure?" Jim pressed.

"I'm fine. Geesh lay off me." Rowan said before she got into the lifts and slammed the «door close» button.

Jim stood there shocked. "Spock come here." Jim said as he sat in his chair, maybe he could figure things out since she always followed him around.

"Yes captain?" Spock came up to the captain, watching Rowan storm out. He felt guilty for what he said and he just wished he could catch up with her, pull her in a hug and kiss her, saying that he's sorry over and over again until she forgave him.

"My sister is acting strange. Do you know anything about it?"

Spock stared at his captain, not sure what to say. He knew exactly what was wrong but he couldn't say, he didn't want Rowan hating him more. "No captain, haven't noticed a thing."

"Okay well keep an eye on her okay?" Jim asked. He was worried about his little sister and he could use all the help he could it.

"Of…Of course captain." Spock said smiling on the inside, not only did he have an excuse to spend more time with Rowan but also if only he knew how much Spock cared about and kept an eye on her.

Rowan crashed on her bed, it was a long morning and break finally came, she thought it was never going to come. She rolled over on her back to stare at the dark ceiling, her mind replaying the morning. After a while she felt bad, for the way she treated Spock and for the way she snapped at her brother, they were the only ones she had left. After a few minutes of debating whether or not to use her break time to fix everything instead of having time to herself, she finally decided to get out of bed and apologize to them. She opened her door to find Spock standing there about to knock. "Hey, I was just about to come see you, come in." Rowan stepped out of the way to let him in, avoiding his gaze so he wouldn't see the guilt in hers.

"Might I inquire as to why you would come to see me when you were illogically enraged with me at our prior meeting?" Spock asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rowan followed after him and sat down beside him finally meeting his gaze. "I wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I acted. I acted illogical and like a child." Rowan said as she cracked her knuckles nervously, thinking he won't forgive her. "I wasn't really in the best state of mind when I got mad at you. I'm sorry it's just you never told me about Uhura and you." Rowan took a deep breathe in. "Whatever, it doesn't matter."

"You're forgiving. And I'm sorry as well, for not telling you and for what I said." Spock responded to her rant, holding her hands down, to prevent her from cracking her knuckles. The cracking made him cringe a bit, it didn't sound healthy and he was afraid it was hurting her.

"It's fine, just get back to work. Don't let me hold you back." Rowan said as she shoved Spock, which only moved him a couple millimetres since it was like shoving a wall. Fighting the urge to smile and laugh, he gave her one kiss and then he was gone. With that off her shoulders she was finally able to relax without her guilty conscious nagging at her as much; it was just her brother that she had to worry about.


	7. Just A Game?

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 7**

"Okay, Rowan hit me with your best shot. No nerve pinching allowed that really hurt last time." Jim was in ready attack position. For the past weeks since they met, he helped Rowan out with defending herself against anything; also it was a great way for them to spend time together.

"Aw man! You ruined the fun. What's a poor innocent girl who doesn't know much when it comes to fighting going to do against a big tough guy like you?" Rowan pouted, playing innocent. One thing she learned, look weak and kick butt. Also her brother did not know about how she learned Sus Mahna (a Vulcan type of karate) when she was a kid she always kept that as her secret weapon just in case she was losing. Jim smiled evilly and charged but before he could hit her, he was thrown in the air over Rowans shoulder like a rag doll. "Forgot something brother, I grew up on Vulcan, I'm very well trained in their form of fighting."

"Okay not fair! This time no Vulcan anything just human fighting skills." Jim said as he got back up. He looked at her sister, watching her every move and looking for a weak spot.

"Oh come on! You're running all the fun! And you're not going to hit a girl are you?" Rowan asked all sweet and innocent, batting her eyelashes.

"That's another thing; no matter how cute they are or how innocent or their gender, if you are being attacked you must defend yourself and kick their asses. Make them want to cry to their mommy so they never mess with you again." In the middle of his rant about fighting techniques, he found his sisters weak spot and charged, hugging her ribs and pushing her down. "Another thing, always look and aim for the weak spot." Rowan struggled under his weight but she couldn't break free. Jim pushed up with his feet and put his two hands on Rowans neck with no pressure, in chokehold position. "Now if you hold on tighter for a while, the enemy will soon lose air and die or be unconscious but hopefully dead." Jim threw his head back and laughed evilly while Rowan laid there pouting, she was beating yet again.

"Captain, what are you doing?" Spock asked when he walked in. He was confused as to why the siblings were trying to kill each other and at the same time, he was kind of scared.

"Spock, hey. Don't worry I'm just training my sister some self defense moves." While Jim was distracted, Rowan got an idea. An evil smile spread across her face as she planned her way of defeating him. She grabbed his hands and pulled them away and then she flipped him over again.

"Ha! I win!" Rowan shouted victoriously while smiling. She spent so much time with her brother that she was starting to act like him. She looked over at Spock and winked at him in a way to say thanks.

"Yeah, okay you win. Now get off me." Jim said trying to push her off. Rowan smiled and got up, pulling her brother up with her. "Do you like my sister? You sounded pretty scared there." Jim asked Spock when Rowan was out of earshot.

"Of course not. I'm just worried about the both of your safety. How would you explain to your mother that you killed your little sister? She would be furious would she not?" Spock said, only saying part of the truth.

"True. Anyway what's up?" Jim asked, hoping nothing was wrong.

"You got a call from ambassador Selek he wants to speak to you."

"Who?" Jim asked, confusion on his face.

"Spock Prime." Spock said in a low whisper so Rowan couldn't hear.

"Right okay. While see to it that my sister is okay, she's been acting weird lately." Jim ordered before he left.

Rowan watched her brother walk away in the corner of her eye waiting for him to leave. When he finally left, she walked up to Spock, big smile on her face, looking much like her old self. "Thanks for distracting him; I needed to win at some point in time." She looked around to see people walking past the door so very quickly she pressed her pointer and index finger against Spock's in a Vulcan kiss.

"I find you sufficiently fair when you're like your old self." Spock whispered, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her round ear making Rowan blush a bright shade of pink.

"Thank you. I decided to stop the whole Vulcan thing when Vulcan blew up." Rowan fought the tears back before she continued. "My mother worked so hard raising like one of my own kind and I don't want all her hard work, go to waste. Also after spending a few weeks with my friends and my brother but mostly my brother, I realized there's no way at all I can keep the act up."

"That's good, I much prefer you as your old self anyway."

"Well this is the new…old me." Rowan smiled brightly, looking a lot like her old bubbly self.

"Illogical. You can't be new and old at the same time, they contradict each other." Spock explained while Rowan just rolled her eyes and cringed her jaw.

"You and your logic." Spock opened his mouth to say something else but Rowan stopped him. "Just shut up."

Jim walked into his office and lit up his laptop and webcam. He sat down in his chair, leaned back and put his feet up on the desk, taking a swig of water. "Hey Spock! What's wrong?" Jim asked when the face of an old version of his science officer showed on the screen.

"Greetings Jim. Nothing's wrong why would you ask that? And it's selek or if you prefer Spock prime."

"Okay...if nothing's wrong then why did you call?" Jim asked worriedly.

"It's about your sister, Rowan Kirk." Spock prime said with a sad tone.

Jim spit out the water that he had in his mouth into the empty space next to him and stared at the camera with a confused but shocked face. "How do you know about my sister? She couldn't be in your timeline because my father didn't die and my mother didn't go all depressed and crazy."

"In my time, she was your actual sister, George and Winona's kid. She had a sad end." Spock prime looked away for a moment to stop the tears from falling.

"What happened?" Jim

"On our wedding day, she was murdered. Only our child survived."

Jim once again spit out his water once again, looking shocked beyond belief. "Jim I believe you should stop consuming liquids or solids as to avoid having you choke" Spock Prime said, voice filled with concern.

"You and my prime self's sister from your time got married and had a child then she was murdered?" Jim asked slowly, trying to comprehend it himself and make sure he heard right, his squeaking a bit at the end.

"Yes, why is that a surprise to you?" Spock prime asked, curious as to why he was surprised. It wasn't that hard to believe.

"Look I got to go. Talk to you later." Jim said shutting down the webcam chat.

"Wait Jim. I still haven't told you..." Spock began to say but he was cut off by Jim.

Jim lite up his sister's file on his laptop, he may have promised her that he would never go into her personal files but desperate time's leads to desperate measures, besides what she doesn't know won't kill her. As he scanned through he saw that her birthday was February thirteenth…which was today. Jim leaned back in his chair upset, _why didn't she tell me about her birthday? _He pondered until he saw something else on her file that made him freeze. Her home planet was Vulcan, he had totally forgotten about that and it was also the home planet of Spock. _They must've meet on Vulcan, so what if they already got together…no stop it Jim they would've never meet, they didn't know each other when you introduce them to each other a few days ago, when she first came on the enterprise. But what if they grew to liking each other? No stop, you are not allowed to think that way. You must stop them from falling in love that way, she won't be murdered. _Jim said to himself, he got up and exited his office, plan in his head.

"Rowan it's your birthday today?" Jim said after he exited the lift and entered the bridge.

Rowan looked up from her post to look at her brother with a confused face. "Yes how did you find out?" Rowan asked, a little anger rising. _Did he break his promise and look through my files? _She wondered.

"Why couldn't you tell me this earlier like I don't know um...when we were on earth near a store not in space where there's no stores anywhere." Jim said ignoring her question.

"Keptin, ve are in ze milky vay." Pavel Chekov piped in

"Yeah okay whatever. But still it's your birthday and I don't have anything for you." Jim said in an upset complaining voice.

"Look I never celebrated my birthday before so I didn't think it was important. And I don't need anything; I got everything I ever wanted already. My brother and my friends..." Rowan looked over at Spock and smiled then she turned back to her brother. "On the enterprise."

"Not important? I didn't know you for twenty four years and now you're turning..." Jim stopped for a moment trying to remember what the file said. "Twenty four. You're twenty four and you never had a birthday party!"

"I don't need one. What's so good about them anyway?" Rowan asked, trying to convince her brother that she didn't need any celebrations at all.

"You have not lived until you have a party. And since it's your birthday, I give you the full day off." Rowan sighed but still took the offer; she wouldn't mind a few hours to sleep or do some homework so she got up and left the bridge.

Jim sat in the captain's chair, putting his head in his hands, trying to figure out what to do about his sister. "Captain if you don't mind, I has an idea zat might work." Genevieve said shyly, afraid she might get him mad for disrupting him.

Jim looked up to see Genevieve standing there and he smiled a bit, she always had the best ideas. "Gwen I'm open for any or all ideas."

"Well we could use the element of surprise! She would zink she's going down to the dining hall for dinner but en realité it would be her surprise party and she will have no choice but to stay." It took her a while for her to say this because Jim didn't know French and her translator wasn't here so she couldn't speak her natural language but her English was getting a little better.

Jim thought for a minute about that idea and a big smile appeared on his face as everything was planned out. "Gwenny, you are the best and the smartest. What would I do without you?"

"Je sais pas…uh I don't know…Captain." Genevieve stuttered, totally lost in his smile and eyes. Also she was in shock of what he just said. _Il m'a appelé le meilleur et le plus intelligent_. (_He called me the best and the smartest.) _She kept repeating in her head, freaking out on the inside. _Retourne a réalité, ça ce n'est pas un épisode de chagrin. Un garçon comme lui avec une fille comme moi, impossible. __(Return to reality, this is not an episode of chagrin. A guy like him with a girl like me, impossible.)_ She said to herself, breaking the fantasy of them together in her head.


	8. From Good To Worse

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 8**

Rowan was in her quarters eating dinner and hiding from her brother. Her brother gave her the day off and she knew if he saw her he would start to nag her about her birthday so she hid and she was planning to until the day was over. There was a knock on her door and Rowan froze. She slowly got up and opened the door. "Look Kirk, I don't want anything for my birthday and I'm sorry for not telling you." She looked up as the doors opened and instead of seeing her brother she saw Spock. "I'm sorry I thought you were someone else." She got out of the way and let him in.

"I know you said no gifts but..."Spock handed her a small brown box, Rowan rolled her eyes and took the gift.

She opened it and inside was a small silver chain on the end was a small white diamond. "I don't know what to say...but thank you it's beautiful."

"It was my mothers and I wanted you to have it." Rowan could tell he still missed her by the way his voice dropped and by the sadness in his eyes.

Rowan pulled the necklace out of the box and put it in her hand. Admiring it at every angle, she was amazed by the simple beauty of it. "I love it."

Spock took the necklace from her hand and clasped it around her neck. Rowan's skin tingled when his cold hands brushed against it. "There. It really suits you." Spock said when Rowan turned around to face him, her eyes sparkling because of the light reflecting off the diamond into her eyes. Rowan smiled a bright smile and pulled him in a hug. When she pulled away Spock gave her a sweet kiss. "I do believe the right term is happy birthday." He said even though it was an illogical saying. Rowan smile was getting bigger and her cheeks started to flush a bright pink, she was so happy that she started to cry. "Why are you crying?" Spock asked afraid he did something wrong.

"I'm just so darn happy." She started to laugh, feeling like an idiot for crying. "This gift is the best thing I have ever gotten in my life and I have you and I have great friends and a great brother. Life is just perfect."

"Speaking of your friends and brother, there's a surprise party in the dining hall for you." Spock said, finally remembering the other reason he came to visit her.

"Ugh. Really?" Rowan pouted, hoping it wasn't true.

"Yes. And since it's your birthday you must attend also your brother and friend worked really hard."

"Fine I'll go but you must come with me." Rowan demanded, there was no way she was going to go alone.

"I don't celebrate birthdays and I have to take your brothers shift tonight." Spock explained, he too did not want to go.

"Please? It will mean a lot to me." Rowan batted her eyelashes, her lips formed a pout and she mustered her best puppy dog eyes.

Spock took a deep breathe, thinking of the most logical thing to do. "Well I do have to talk to your brother so I will stay for a minute and that's it."

"Sweet! You're the best." Rowan squealed and kissed him on the cheek.

Spock raised an eyebrow, confused by her gesture. "I will see you later." Spock turned around and left, still a bit confused by her gesture.

Rowan stood there smiling brightly, she hid her new necklace in her uniform, not wanting to take it off and fixed her hair a bit. She didn't bother changing out of her sweats, she needed to look surprise, like she just got up from a nap and only came to get something to eat.

"Rowan, happy birthday, Genevieve will be so proud you came." Aaliyah said as she came up and gave Rowan a hug. Rowan returned the hug, she hasn't seen her in a long time, she was always working down in the sickbay and never on the bridge or around the ship.

"Thanks. Speaking of Gwen where is she?" Rowan asked when she saw no sign of her best friend, who supposedly put everything together.

"She's getting your gift. I told her you didn't want anything but she wouldn't listen." Rowan rolled her eyes; of course it was typical Genevieve, she was that friend that was always the pesky bugger. "If you're looking for your brother he's over there with Spock and I'll be here with McCoy if you need me unless of course there's an emergency then I have to leave." Rowan nodded and hugged her friend again, then she headed towards her brother just so she could this whole celebration thing done and over with. When Rowan walked away Aaliyah sat next to McCoy who, like every time she saw him, was drinking. "You're a loser." She stated out if the blue, she been wanting to say that to him forever and now he was drunk he probably didn't even care.

"Excuse me? I think you're mistaken you are the loser." McCoy retorted and it was the only thing he could think up in his state of mind.

"I'm not the one who got left with nothing and joined Starfleet even though I'm scared of flying only because there's nothing left for me." Aaliyah smiled smugly, she knew she won.

"Yeah…But…I'm not the one who became a doctor because my fiancée died." Aaliyah smile faded and she was taken aback and due to the look on her face, McCoy knew he won.

"Blimey! Well you're bloody well right."

"I'm always right." McCoy straighten out his back and made himself look superior. Aaliyah was not impressed so she slapped him in the arm. "Ow!"

"That's what you get you bloody self centered git." Aaliyah smiled a cheeky smile while McCoy glared at her.

"You did not just call me a self centered git."

"Oh but I did governor and there's nothing you can do about it." Aaliyah smiled smugly for a bit more before bursting out in giggles making McCoy laugh as well.

Rowan sat in between Spock and Jim in her usual spot watching the two of them playing chess, there was something bothering her but Jim did not notice it so she whispered what he should do. "Ha! I win! I finally beat you!"

"You did win but you had help therefore you cheated along with the help of your confused little sister." Spock looked at Rowan hoping she got the message.

"Confused really?" Rowan asked with a bit of attitude in her voice.

"Affirmative." Then they started to bicker. More like Rowan telling him off as Spock calmly replied back in a Vulcan manner.

As Rowan and Spock bickered, Jim noticed something, they were fighting like an old married couple and fear went through him. He had to stop them from getting together; he didn't want his sister dead. So he put on his best drunken act and started to laugh. "You know what would be hilarious? If you two started to date." Jim started to laugh more, keeping up the act. He looked at the two for any clues but he couldn't find any. Spock was like usual calm and unemotional and so was Rowan. Then Rowan started to giggle, Jim thought it was because of what he said but in reality it was because Spock lightly touched Rowan in the middle of her spine (her most ticklish spot).

"Very funny. Me date him? You're a funny guy." Rowan said after she stopped giggling going back to her calm act, digging the heel of her boot into Spock's foot for revenge.

Jim breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back in the chair. "Right of course cause if you laid a hand on my sister you will be kicked in the black hole."

"Captain, Rowan. It was nice talking to you but I need to go and do your job since your drunk and won't be able to do so." Spock said as he got up, finding the best excuse to leave.

Genevieve finally came back with a bag in her hand. She saw Rowan and ran up to her pulling her into a hug. "Happy birthday!" She squealed, handing Rowan her gift. Inside the bag was an expensive pair of black combat boots and a beautiful blue one shoulder sequined dress.

Rowan smiled and hugged her friend again. "Thanks so much."

"Pas de problem." (no problem) Genevieve responded, glad she liked the gifts.

"Well I'm going to go bye guys!" Rowan got up and left, she decided to leave her brother and her friend alone together as revenge for making the whole party when she didn't want one.

Genevieve nervously put her hair behind her ear. Jim opened his mouth to speak but a dishevelled engineer by the name of Scotty came running in. "There's a storm a brewing and we're smack down in the middle of it." He said before he passed out on the floor. Aaliyah ran up to him and told everyone he was fine, he just had an electric shock. Everyone in the room was thinking the same thing _what was he talking about? What kind of storm?_ as silence filled the room.


	9. Everything has changed

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 9**

Rowan stared at the unconscious engineer, a chill went up her spine she was hoping it wasn't anything bad. Jim and Genevieve walked past Rowan and headed towards the bridge, Rowan following close behind. On the bridge it was chaos, Uhura was trying to contact Starfleet with no progress, the replacement helmsman and navigator's fingers were flying across the conn trying to get a response. "What seems to be the problem?" Jim was worried, he hasn't seen this much chaos since the whole thing with Nero and especially after Scotty's barge in.

"We seem to be stuck in an ion storm and everything stopped working." Spock said as he got out of the chair. His eyes wander off the captain as he looked at Rowan. Her whole body stiffened and he could see she was trying to fight back tears.

Rowan couldn't hold in the tears anymore so she ran off the bridge fighting the tears. Rowan ran off the bridge fighting back the tears, she knew what was going to happen thanks to the little Vulcan and she was hoping it would never happen, that he was just playing a trick. She didn't want anyone to die and she didn't want to sacrifice everything for the ones she loves. She finally got into her room and turned off all communications, the only thing she forgot was to lock her door. As she sat on her bed crying, trying to pull herself together so she could think of a way to stop the child's vision from happening, Spock walked in. He went in and sat down next to her, looking at her trying to figure out what was wrong, he knew there was by the way she wiped away the tears quickly as if she could make it seem like they were never there.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Rowan was surprised, she thought he would be too busy to come and see her especially now with the whole catastrophe going on.

"I came because I want to know what's wrong." Spock said in a concern voice.

"Nothing." Rowan muttered. She wanted to tell him but she couldn't and she wouldn't.

"Illogical. I can feel and see your sorrow. Now please tell me what's wrong?" Spock held his hands back, he didn't want to use mind meld but if it came down to it he'll have to. Rowan shook her head and looked away so she could suppress the tears. Since she wasn't saying a thing, he got up to leave, he couldn't do mind meld whatever was wrong was her own business and he respected that.

"Don't go." Rowan whimpered, grabbing onto his wrist. Spock looked down at her, curious to what was bothering her; she never acted this way before. After looking into her sad pleading eyes he curled up next to her. "What's your favourite memory of us?" Rowan asked, she wanted to know for a while but she was always afraid to ask. Now seemed like a good time, considering the fact that this might be the last time she saw him.

Spock stared at the ceiling in deep thought; he loved every memory of her. "It's when you and I were bonded." Spock said finally thinking of that memory.

"You and I are bonded?" Rowan asked, her voice rising in confusion. She rolled over to face him better. "Can I see?" Spock put his fingers on her melding points ready to use mind meld. Rowan closed her eyes; she was used to this, ever since rowan learned that Spock and her were friends (heck more than friends bond mates for heaven's sake) on Vulcan, Spock helped her remember everything but only when she asked him.

T'Les (Rowan's mother) was talking to T'Pau (Spock's grandmother) about her choice for her daughter's bondmate, she still didn't understand why T'pau choose her grandson for Rowan. They heard the door open and close. "Rowan?" T'Les asked, hoping her son brought Rowan liked they had planned earlier.

"Yes mother?" The small voice of Rowan responded as she walked into the room, biting her lower lip nervously.

"I would like to introduce you to Spock. Ambassador Sarek and his wife Amanda's child. As of lately he's your bondmate." Rowan looked at the boy sitting across from her mother and she smiled a little so that is was not visible. She remembered him quite clearly from last year. He practically saved her life when she tripped and almost fell and hit her head up on the mountains. She was hoping to see him again.

"Greetings, I'm Rowan Seltar." She said shyly hiding in her hair, looking at him through her blanket of hair. She saw in the corner of her eye, Serron; her brother, in the corner of her room, stiffen up a bit.

"Greetings Rowan I am Spock, son of Sarek and Amanda" Spock said as he examined her. From what he could see that was not hidden was that she was very petite with a small frame. She had long black hair that fell down in waves to her waist like a black sheet. Rowan tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling a bit more confident and Spock gasped a bit, he was surprised to see that she was not Vulcan but human which will explain why she showed her emotions freely when he first saw her a year ago. Her eyes are what got him the most. When he looked into her bright blue eyes, he felt a tug in his stomach, a feeling her never felt towards anyone before and the way a smile tugged at the corners of his lips was what made him more confused. T'pau walked up to them and started the whole bonding process.

It was a strange feeling, having someone root around in your mind. It was invasive, especially when they could see your every thought and emotion; it was even weirder when there were two. One mind watching as the other tore through yours before the same happened to them and you watched. As Rowan compared both hers and Spock's minds she could only come to one conclusion, even though elder T'Pau said they were a perfect match she had to disagree. Unlike her mind which at the moment was calm although tainted with a small amount of fear and uncertainty his was complete disarray. Emotions jumbled and knotted together. His attempts at Vulcan control failed as the emotions shredded them away to nothing. He tried to stop the elder from connecting their minds. For some reason Rowan found sadness bubbling up inside her. Illogical sadness she told herself, trying to be strong. "Spock, KROYKAH!" T'Pau voice rang. Spock listened and stopped his mind going still as T'Pau reached out into the middle of his jumbled emotions. When she retreated a thin, fragile looking thread followed after her. The thread was nearly translucent. Colours cascaded through it in a Kaleidoscope. T'Pau folded the threads together until they became one, connecting the two minds. T'Pau broke the meld and nodded towards Amanda, Sarek and T'les. Serron glared disapprovingly at the young half Vulcan before retreating behind his mother. Spock took a deep breath in. It was weirder having another consciousness attacked to his own was scary but at the same time fascinating. Spock gave the bond an experimental jab, his eyes widening at the way the threads, which were now one, unjelated and pulsed. An unpleasant shock ran into his head causing him to cringe and pull away from the still forming bond. A crash sounded and he heard his mother cry out in shock. Spock opened his eyes and found the hound human girl, now his bondmate, sprawled across the floor on a dead faint. T'Pau looked at her and then Spock, fixing him with a stern look before she addressed his mother "Amanda, I must request that you place this child in you're guest room until such a time she is for travel." The elder looked Spock over once more "that should give Spock sufficient time to find what her boundaries are with the bond, I am sorry to inconvenience you T'Les."

The human's mother inclined her head. "Rowan will be missing nothing important elder" T'Les told her, although her voice was monotone and even you could see worry flash over her face, but it took a Vulcan to notice it. Serron was in much worse shape, his discomfort and dissatisfaction was obvious by the way he continued to attempt to step around his mother to get to Rowan's fallen form. When lady Amanda picked her up and started to walk up the stairs her tried to follow, quickly being stopped my his mother's firm hand on his back.

"Thank you for finding a most logical match for my daughter" T'Les said before she left with Serron, followed shortly after by Elder T'Pau once she had bade fair well to her family.

Rowan smiled when it ended, everything made sense now, why she felt so close to him when she didn't remember anything. The smile quickly vanished when she thought of the pain it would cause him when she sacrifices herself to save everyone. She quickly pushed that image out of her mind and thought of right here and right now. Everything was perfect and that's how she wanted to go, everyone happy and everything perfect.

Early the next morning, Rowan was sitting in the captain's chair, if she was going to go then this was one of the last things she wanted to do. Everyone on the bridge let her be since they were too busy trying to fix the machines or get something other than the engine working. Spock walked in and raised an eyebrow at her, wondering when she became captain or second in command. "Rowan what are you doing?"

Rowan smiled as she spun left to right in the chair. "My brother is not here, so I…"

"You are not the captain nor are you the second in command. Now get out the chair." Spock said cutting her off in mid-sentence, with a demanding tone.

"But I am sister. Therefore logic dictates that I'm second in line." She kept spinning in the chair and smiling. She hoped she got him, she did not want to get out, the chair was comfortable and it made her feel powerful.

"Illogical. Only the captain decides that and he did not choose you." Rowan stuck her tongue out and pouted, getting out of the chair slowly, just to bug him. She left the bridge so she could see if Scotty needed any help and walked down the empty corridors. A bright light appeared in front of her and it started to take form of…Aaliyah, Rowan was confused, she remembered her being in the sickbay when she passed by it. When the form fully appeared, it was her but a more evil looking one.

"Hello there Rowan. I'm mirror Aaliyah. It's so nice to meet you." She smiled evilly. Rowan showed no fear but on the inside she was freaking out, the whole puzzle falling into place. The friend that betrayed her was Aaliyah and it was time for Rowan to say goodbye even though she didn't want to. The enterprise slowly disappeared as she transported onto a more dark and sinister looking enterprise.

Jim stumbled onto the bridge, his eyes adjusted to the light and he saw that it was still chaos. "Status report."

"We managed to get the transporters working and the conn but that's about it. Scotty is working on it but not much progress at the moment. Warp speed is also unavailable." Sulu reported. Jim drummed his fingers on the arm rest nervously.

"Captain! Rowan iz mizing!" Genevieve panted, she ran all over, looking for her, after she stopped responding to any communications.

"What do you mean she's missing?"

"Keptin. According to her bio scan she transported inside ze ion storm. Zis is not good." Chekov reported, repeating zis is not good over and over again. He kept checking her bio scan, hoping it wasn't true that is was wrong.

"Mirror verse I'm guessing." Jim leaned back in the chair in deep thought, trying to remember what he learned in class. He hoped he would have never have to face it before but now he had to face it face to face to save his sister.


	10. Mirror, Mirror

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 10**

Rowan looked around in awe, everything was so different yet the same, it was quite fascinating. Her and mirror Aaliyah stopped in front of a clutter office, there was papers and chemicals of sorts scattered across the desk with a laptop in the middle, still lit up. "What is all this?" Rowan asked as she examined the whiteboard behind the desk, the equations on it looked like a bunch of random letters and numbers to her.

"Our Rowan, figured out a way to destroy the other realm without affecting ours. She worked so hard on it when she heard about your realm, she never slept and then as she was experimenting she fell asleep and died or so we think so, her body was never found and we never knew the true story, just Uhura's story." Mirror Aaliyah responded in a sad tone, tears starting to fall. "We needed someone else to continue her work, someone with the same mind and thoughts. That's where you come in. It's dangerous yes and you could possibly figure it out and became a murderer of your people but it will be worth it." Rowan gulped nervously, staring at Aaliyah, she was nothing like the Aaliyah she knew, she was more evil but I guess that's what happens when you lose a friend.

* * *

After a few difficulties with the transporter Jim, Genevieve and McCoy finally managed to beam down into the ion storm. They heard someone walking towards them so they all hid, Mirror Uhura walked right past them having no clue they were there, she was the same as the real one except the fact she was wearing a short skirt, with a tight top red uniform. Jim smiled after her, checking her out. Genevieve couldn't help herself; she slapped Jim in the arm in jealousy. "Focuz." She hissed. Jim looked at her with an innocent face and rubbed his arm.

"Hey guys where's Spock?" McCoy asked breaking the tension.

* * *

Rowan scanned over everything, having no clue what any of it means when she heard a large thump. She jumped from her chair and pulled out her phaser, realizing it was her Spock she lowered it and ran up to him, giving him a hug. She snuggled into his shoulder, glad to be somewhere where she felt safe and protected. "Where's my bother?" Rowan asked when she noticed Spock was alone.

"He's fine; I'll tell him we got separated." Spock responded, leaving her be, even though it bothered him, he was just glad to have her back.

"I was so afraid, that the storm will blow over and I'll be stuck in this hell hole forever." Rowan shivered at that fact, still snuggled in his arms.

"I wouldn't stop searching and neither would your brother." Spock replied calmly, the thought made him shiver as well. Rowan pulled away and smiled at him. "What did they want from you anyway?" Spock asked.

"I don't want to talk about it right now; I just want to go home now." She grabbed the laptop and waited to be transported back, hoping her brother would be back by now.

* * *

When Jim heard the message from Spock that he found Rowan and was back on the Enterprise, the three decided to head back as well but the transporter was yet again not working so they had to stay put.

"Welcome aboard." Genevieve looked up and saw Jim, well another one anyway. "I thought the whole Rowan thing would work. So glad you came." This other Jim smiled evilly at them. All the feelings Genevieve felt towards Jim disappeared as she stared at the mirror Jim, he reminded her to much of her abusive, alcoholic uncle who took her in when her parents died on the Kelvin. "Now here's how things will work out. I'm going to kill you, Jim and then your two friends are going to pretend that I'm you and then I'll take over your ship and your world. That is until your sister figures out the formulas and destroys your world." An evil laugh escaped his lips as he threw his head back. He pulled out a small gun from his pocket and pointed it straight at his other self. "This is very old fashion I know but, I prefer these, you can feel it ripping your skin apart and feel it slowly kill you. It's a great torture device." He pulled the trigger and Genevieve watched the bullet sail through the air, getting closer and closer to the Jim she loves heart, she had to think fast. She shoved Jim out of the way and right before she could get out of the way, the bullet hit her right in her chest. She fell onto the floor but Jim caught her before she could hit her head, blood appeared instantly. Jim pulled out his phaser and stunned his mirror self.

Genevieve had a feeling she wasn't going to survive so she said what she wanted to say for a long time. "Je…T'…" She couldn't say it, it hurt too much but she had to fight through it. "I…love…" She just couldn't say it, her breathe was quickening and her heart was racing and the darkness was closing in. There was only one thing left to do, if she couldn't say it she might as well show it. She placed her lips upon Jim's but before she could feel any sparks or fireworks or make it last longer than a second, her heart gave out one last beat and she passed out in Jim's arms.

Jim looked at her in shock; everything fell into place, why she wanted to become a yeoman, why she always stayed around him and so many other things started to make sense. But it was too late, _No she can't be dead, there's still a chance. _"Gwen, Gweny, please open your eyes. Come on, please." Jim said over and over again tears streaming down his face as he hugged Genevieve closer to him. The warmth of her blood seeping through his shirt bothered him but he didn't want to let her go.

McCoy watch it all happened and he gave the captain space, so he could mourn. "Scotty please tell me the god damn transporter is working."

"It is working laddie."

"I need a full medical team in the transporter room stat! And beam us up, this is an emergency. Damn it Jim calm down." McCoy signed out and yelled at Jim who was just losing it, muttering "She can't be dead, she just can't be." Over and over again. He walked over to Genevieve's body and checked her pulse. "The bullet hit her in the chest close to her heart and until we get back I won't know for certain if she's going to make it or not. I'm not a healer, I'm a doctor but I'll try my best."

* * *

Rowan paced back and forth in the transporter room, waiting for everyone to return. _What's taking them so long?_ She wondered until the images became too gruesome to think of.

"I need a full medical team and Aaliyah in the transporter room. And beam us up, this is an emergency. Damn it Jim calm down." Rowan's blood ran cold, as the gruesome images came back in her head. She started to shake uncontrollably and she felt like she was going to throw up. Everything slowed down and everything went silent, all she could hear was her heartbeat as they rematerialize on the pad. There in Jim's arms was Genevieve unconscious body, her uniform stained with blood, she was breathing ever so slowly that you could barely tell. Aaliyah looked at Jim for a moment with a death glare and took her out his arms, even when he refused. She was crying but she kept her calm and her death glare trained on him.

"Rowan listen to me." Rowan snapped back to reality and saw McCoy right in front of her, looking at her with sorry eyes. "This wasn't supposed to happen but I swear to god or whoever the damn you believe in that I will save her."

Rowan nodded slowly still in shock. "How did it happen?" Rowan said slowly, still in shock.

"You're in shock, come by later and I'll give you something to help you." McCoy responded, completely avoiding her question.

"How did it happen?" Rowan asked a bit more loudly, tears slowly running down her cheeks and anger rising up in the pit of her stomach.

McCoy took a deep breath; he knew he wouldn't be allowed to leave until he told her so he did. "In the mirror verse mirror Jim tried to kill our Jim with a gun but instead she took the bullet."

Rowan now filled with anger at her brother for not stopping her and anger towards everything else, she stormed onto the bridge.

"Scotty is all systems ago?" Jim kept hearing the bullet rip through the gun, it felt like a bullet to his heart and he kept seeing the bullet fly through the air and hit Genevieve. _It should've been me; I should be the one dying not her. She's only twenty five and has so much to live for. She probably had so much planned in her future; surely she wasn't going to stay in boring space her whole life. What will her family think? Oh god, they're going to hate me for not saving their little girls life. _Jim kept telling himself over and over again. He wanted to stop thinking about it but he couldn't.

"No, we're still having wee little problems with the engine laddie." Jim closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair, he just wanted to go home and burn his now blood stained shirt.

Rowan came on the bridge and slapped her brother right across his face. She saw the blood stain on his shirt, which only made her anger rise. "That's what you get for not doing anything; you just let her die for you." Rowan cried in anger.

"I didn't think she was going to do that." Jim replied innocently.

"That's your problem, you don't think, you just go with the flow. You were so stupid and blind, she loved you brother and you never realized that no matter what she did. You wanna know why she wanted to b yeoman? It's because she wanted to be closer to you but now it's too late. If she dies her blood is on your hands." Rowan voice was all shaky as tears streamed down her face.

"You speak as though she's going to die, you don't know that. But if she does dies at least she'll be in a better place and at least she died protecting our captain." Spock stepped in to try and calm her down; he hated seeing her like this.

"Is that all you care about?" Rowan clenched her fists, trying to keep her anger down and to stop herself from hitting anyone. "I'm going back there, it's me they want so that's what they'll get."

"What the hell? Are you nuts? You can't just get yourself killed!" Jim yelled, finally finding his voice.

"So you'll let Genevieve get herself killed but not me? What kind of sick bastard are you? I'm done with all of this crap but most of all I'm done with all of you!" Rowan stormed off, leaving shock looks on everyone's faces. She ran down into her room and locked herself in, all communications were off and she was alone to cry. She let all her tears come out, tears for her Vulcan family, she knew they wouldn't be back they were dead for good and she cried for Genevieve, one of her best friends, they were like sisters and she always made Rowan laugh and smile whenever she was down but not anymore. Rowan cried herself to sleep that night, knowing that tomorrow would be most likely her last day.


	11. Here Comes Goodbye

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 11**

The bridge was dark and empty. No one was in sight and it was dead quiet. The captain's chair turned around and sitting in it was Rowan; she had no idea how she got there or why everything was so dark and silent. She got up and tried to use the PA but it didn't work, nothing worked, the ship was literally frozen in time.

"Rowan?" A familiar voice ran through the silence, causing Rowan to jump.

"Spock! Thank goodness you're here. Where is everyone?" Rowan asked as she ran up to him for a hug which he did not allow.

"It's all your fault. You killed everyone with one stupid mistake; you didn't go and get yourself killed to save everyone else's lives. You should've though, no one would miss you not even me because no one cares about you." Spock said with a malicious glint in his eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Rowan asked, confused about everything.

"I don't love you. You're just a waste of my time. I left Vulcan for a reason so I could be far away from you." Spock wasn't acting his usual self and this new side of him scared Rowan a lot.

"Spock this isn't you." Rowan said while tears started to form in her eyes.

"Look at you, your pathetic little human. All you ever do is cry and you think I can make things better when in reality I don't care about your stupid little problems." Spock grabbed onto Rowans neck and threw her across the bridge.

Rowan smashed into the conn, breaking some of its parts. She got up and rubbed her head, feeling some pieces of glass fall out of her hair. "What? Who?" She stuttered, fear in her eyes.

"You're so pathetic; you can't even get back up and fight me." Spock grabbed her by the neck again and picked her up. He raised her to eye level and glared deeply into her blue eyes. Rowan noticed that deep shade of brown that was his eye colour was totally black, like demon eyes. She started to kick and squirm trying to escape the half Vulcan's strength. "I'm better off without you. I'm better off with Uhura…oh wait you killed her." Spock growled putting more pressure on her throat.

"Spock please st…" Rowan started to say but she never got to finish her sentence because she was cut off by Jim.

"What are you doing Spock?" Jim asked when he stepped off the lift. Rowan tried screaming for help but she could barely make a sound. Spock let go of rowan and threw her towards her brother.

"Thank you." rowan gasped.

"You think I did that to save you? Well you were wrong." Jim threw his head back and cackled evilly.

"What?" Rowan asked, backing up towards the lifts so she could escape this nightmare.

Jim grabbed her throat this time and crushed her larynx. "You said that when Genevieve dies that her blood would be on my hands but in reality her blood is on your hands since this whole thing happened only because of you." Rowan tried to say something but she couldn't, her whole body was screaming for air.

"What are you waiting for Jim? She deserves to die; she has killed too many people. Life would be so much better without her." Spock sneered.

"Rot in hell pathetic bitch." Jim said as he tightened his grip on her throat, causing her body to go limp and then he threw her lifeless body on the ground.

* * *

Rowan woke with a start, she sat up in her bed but a sharp pain in her stomach made her lie back down. It wasn't the first time, she had a nightmare like this, she's been having these dreams every night since she got on the Enterprise and they just worsened when she saw Genevieve barely conscious and bloody in Jim's arms. The pain in her stomach caused her to feel sick and Rowan couldn't bear it any longer. After she managed to untangle herself from her blankets and made herself look semi decent, she headed down to sick bay. She thought it was from all the stress but she wanted to be sure.

Rowan stared at her now conscious friend, laughing like the good old days. Rowan was in shock from what McCoy and Aaliyah had told her so she needed a laugh and Genevieve always managed to do that.

"Chuchu, tu es si belle. (Cabbage, you are so beautiful)" Rowan smiled, she never thought she would hear that ever again. Chuchu meant cabbage in French and Rowan got that nickname after Genevieve saw how much vegetables she ate and because she was a vegetarian. Genevieve was also high on meds so it made it even funnier. "Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?" Genevieve said out of the blue, making Rowan laugh uncontrollably. Jim walked in after hearing the news and smiled brightly when he saw Genevieve awake. Rowan stopped laughing and got up; she glared at her brother before she walked out of the sick bay. "Regarde c'est Jimmy cricket. (Look it's jimmy cricket.)" Genevieve giggled.

"Let me guess, McCoy gave you some of his medication didn't he?" Jim asked, confused by her current behavior.

"Oh oui, he gave me everything. It's spectaculacular," Genevieve smiled, she felt all giddy inside, never in her whole life has she ever felt this giddy and lightheaded before.

"Alright then, well I have to go back to the bridge, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Jim patted her shoulder and turned around to leave.

"I'm not okay." Jim froze for a moment and looked back at her with a worried expression. "I'm awesome." She managed to say after a deep breathe.

Jim smiled at her, his worriedness gone. "Yes you are. Well I got to go so I'll see you later."

"Hey! Hey! Look at me." Genevieve shouted a bit. Jim turned back around and sat down next to her, looking straight into her eyes, just to see what she wants. "C'est d'accord…it's okay cause you're me captain and I love you." Genevieve grabbed Jim's shirt, pulled him down and kissed him. When she pulled away she giggled like a little school girl after her first kiss. Jim smiled and shook his head, he waved bye and left.

* * *

Later that night, after Aaliyah forced Rowan to eat supper, Rowan went to her room to pack everything she owns up. Even though Genevieve was back, Rowan still wanted to go back just so she could insure everyone's safety. The vision still haunted her and it still could happen, since they were still stuck in the ion storm and the engines still didn't work. She didn't want to but she had to, she couldn't let anyone else die. She finished her writing her letter to her brother and started to pack her valuables in a box so she could give them to her brother. Inside the box she put the stuffed bunny Jim gave her for her birthday ad stuck her badge on it; the bunny was wrapped up in her uniform along with her communicator. She kept her phaser for emergencies because who knows what might happen to her while she was in the mirror verse. She was so distracted by everything that she didn't realize Spock walked in until he put his hand on hers stopping her from closing up the last box.

"Don't go." Spock pleaded the best he could with his usual monotone voice.

Rowan looked at him and started to cry, she knew what she had to do but she was praying she wouldn't have to, she didn't want to see the look on his face or hear his response. She took a deep breath in and said to herself: here comes goodbye. "Maybe we weren't the right match, maybe when Serron took away my memories it was for the best." Rowan smiled sadly. "Who were we kidding when we tried to make this work? We're two different people from two different worlds that should have never collided." Tears welled up in dark blue eyes as they gazed up into brown. "You're so conserved and refined, logical, cataloging your emotions and keeping them under a stiff lock. You're never lost for words, able to understand and retain vast amounts of knowledge and could have any female you want from any species you want; I'm a joke in every way." A sob ripped from Rowan's lip. "That's all I was to you right? A joke? You were so ashamed of your human side so why would you want to date a human who is the epitome of everything you would never want to be. "

Spock gazed at Rowan completely lost for words "you are still confused from the painkillers doctor McCoy has given you, please come to bed T'hy'la, we can discuss what has made you so upset in the morning."

Rowan laughed hollowly. Tears ran down her face in rivets. "But we won't Spock. You aren't taking anything I'm saying seriously are you?"

"Of course I am!" He said, trying to keep the flash of hurt off his face.

Rowan trembled as soft fingers ran across her cheek. The ravenette jerked away from Spock. "Besides I'm not going to be here tomorrow, I'll be gone. So this is goodbye Spock, don't try to stop me." Rowan said as she pushed passed him, with the box in her hands. "We weren't the right fit and neither are our minds." Rowan took a deep breath in as the doors slid open. She turned to look at Spock one last time "take car-" she was cut off as his lips crashed to hers. Rowan's eyes fluttered shut for only a moment, enjoying the familiar heat one last time before she shoved him back. "I mean it Spock; we won't see each other ever again. This is the end, take care of yourself." With a curt nod Rowan strode out.

Spock stood in the doorway brokenly. He felt the same sort of emptiness that he had after his mother's death. Cold sorrow and hot hate bubbled inside his stomach, his lungs aching every time he breathed in. This couldn't be happening; he couldn't be losing everything once it was perfect again. He stood there at a crossroad, to give up the one he loves or to go after her? Rowan had clearly made her own decision and what could he do to change her mind? She was a Kirk and once she made her mind up nothing, not even the sky falling could change her mind, her brilliant maddeningly illogical mind. Her mind was his favourite part of her and in the end her mind was what brought a down fall to their relationship. He wanted this to be all a dream, that he would wake up to see her bubbly face smiling at him when he entered the bridge or to wake up with her in his arms as long as she was still here that's all that mattered. She was gone and no longer his worry, he had to let her to but he couldn't.

* * *

She ran down the hallway crying, she ran fast so Spock couldn't catch up with her towards the shuttle pods. She bumped into Chekov and smiled a bit. "Chekov, can you give this to my brother?" Rowan asked handing him the box and letter.

"I can do zat!" He replied confused as to what she was up to. When he left, Rowan sent up a silent prayer that all will go well with him and that he finally gets his chance in the captain's chair. She hopped into the nearest shuttle pod and fired it up. She drove it right in the ion storm, as tears streamed down her face. What hurt the most for her was being so close and never knowing what could've been and not seeing that love in Spock's eyes is what she was trying to do the whole time.


	12. Rowan's Goodbye Letter

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 12**

Dear Jim T. Kirk,

If you're reading this I'm either dead or dying. I really enjoyed having you as a brother the past few weeks, it really help me with dealing with my Vulcan brother being dead. I wish we would've had more time together; you seem like such a great guy. I also wish we could take back all those years when you were on earth and I was on Vulcan and spend them together. Even though you had a terrible step-father, we could've survived together; we could've been those little annoying rebellious kids. Also thanks for everything, the memories, the fight training (by the way I only let you win, I can beat you any day) and thanks for accepting my life style and choices. When you get back to earth, tell mother that I'm terribly sorry for how things turned out between us during our first meeting. I should've given her a chance but now it's too late for that. I'm also sorry for not telling you about my birthday, I just never celebrated it and thought it was of no importance (by the way the party was great thank you), also for the way I acted lately, I was just under a lot of stress. I also was upset about Genevieve and my Vulcan family; I just kept blaming myself for not being there to save them or blamed everyone for not saving them. I'm mostly sorry for going back to the mirror verse but I have to. Too many people I love are dead and I can't let anyone else die. If I don't, everyone on this ship will die, I know for I saw it happening right before my eyes but I can't tell you how that's a secret I'm taking to my grave along with many others. I guess I'm a Kirk in that way, being very secretive and all. Sometimes life just seems like chapters of goodbyes. For you, your life has been pretty much that, chapters and chapters of goodbyes and I feel terrible for adding myself into your chapters of goodbyes. My time is running out and I have to leave but before I go there's one last thing I have to say. I hope you and Genevieve work out, you'll make a cute couple. Well I got to, again thanks for everything and hope your future is bright. Dream big brother. I love you.

Love always, Rowan

P.s: Remember that lost little girl in the wheat field at your old farm? Well that little girl was me. Remember that memory always, for that must be my favorite memory of us.

P.s.s: Since I'm dead (or almost), I'm not going to be needing these anymore, take good care of them.


	13. Comfortably Numb

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 13**

Jim Kirk crumpled up the letter in his hands, anger and sadness rushing through him. He got out of his chair so he could stop her but he saw one of the Enterprises shuttle pods go into the ion storm and he knew she was gone forever but he wouldn't accept that. She wasn't going to die today or any other day. He didn't even bother opening the box he just calmly walked to the lifts and gave orders. "Spock, keep an eye on the ship while I'm away. I'll only be gone for a bit and Chekov message Scotty and tell him to have the transporter ready..." With curt nods, they all went to work.

* * *

Jim slowly appeared right in the engine room of the mirror Enterprise and right there in front of him was his sister. _Good job Scotty._ He thought.

"Jim? What are you doing here?" Rowan asked when she saw her brother appear right in front of her, he wasn't supposed to be here, he should've read the letter and let her be.

"You're my sister and I read your letter, there's no way you're leaving. Now come on, were getting out of here." Jim said as he pulled out his communicator.

"You are I'm not." Rowan said with a matter of fact tone.

"What are you talking about? Of course you are." Jim reached for her arm but she took a step away from him.

"I don't want to do this but you've given me no choice." Rowan pulled out her phaser with shaky hands. "Leave now or I will pull the trigger." Rowan said fighting the tears from streaming down her face, she needed to look tough.

"You wouldn't." Jim said in disbelief. He stared at the phaser and saw her shaky hands; he knew she wouldn't do it.

"I have to; it's the only way you will leave. Brother please I don't want to do this. But it's the only way." Rowan said tightening her grip on the phaser, tears still fighting to come out, she's been able to suppress her emotions for so long but now she couldn't and she couldn't figure out why.

"Sis, come on. Let's get back to ship and talk about this." Jim offered, hoping she would take it.

"There's no time for talking. Now go!" Rowan ordered, her voice rising in frustration.

"I'm not leaving without you." Jim said, glaring at his sister.

"You have to, please just go. Save yourself. I'm in no need of saving." Rowan tried convincing him, her fingers slowly gliding down to the trigger.

"Fine. Just know that you're making a big mistake." Jim pulled out his communicator and called Scotty. "Goodbye sister." he said while he was disappearing.

"I'm so sorry." Rowan said as she finally let the tears flow out, right before her brother fully disappeared.

When Jim finally returned to the enterprise, he stepped off the transporter and ran up to Scotty. "Rowan is still there, get her here now." Jim ordered Scotty.

"Laddie, there's a wee little problem. I don't think I can, her life sign is fading sir. And so is the ion storm." Jim stared at his engineer; he was gone for one second what could've happened to her in that one goddamn second?

"I don't care get her here now!" Jim said trying to keep his cool. Spock walked in and heard everything, his face showed no emotion but if you looked closely enough you could see a small tear, trickle down his cheek. A figure slowly appeared on the transporter pad, when it formed completely he saw it was Rowan, her one arm was covered in blood while she coughed and gasped for air. She stood for a minute and then she fell. Spock came up to her first before anyone else and catched her before she fell and hit the floor. Fear, worry and sadness bubbled up inside him. He checked for a pulse and he felt a small beating that was slowing by the minute.

"Get bones here stat!" Spock ordered even though he wasn't the acting captain, keeping his voice at a calm reasonable level. Since Jim didn't move a muscle, Scotty ran for it. Spock looked back down to see dark blue eyes staring at him.

"I'm so sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean any of it." Rowan said between gulps of air. She grabbed onto his hand and smiled the best she could.

"I know it's okay. I promise you that all will be well." Spock said calmly, even though the tears were forcing their way out.

"I thought promises were illogical." Rowan started to laugh, until a sharp pain in her stomach stopped her. She looked into his brown eyes and kissed Spock not caring that her brother was right there staring right at them. "I love you." She pulled away because it became hard to breathe and she started to cough. The coughing got so bad that blood started to appear at the corners of her lips. She let go of his hand and held onto her stomach, the coughing caused it to hurt more. She lifted her hand up, to see that her hand was entirely red; she didn't realize she got hurt there. Her breathing became ragged and the look of worry crossed her face. "Spock...I'm..." She started to say but her eyes started to flutter, _gosh I'm so tired. _She thought so she closed her eyes, letting sleep take over.

"Rowan? Rowan!?"'Spock started to shake her shoulders, to wake her up but her eyes stayed closed. McCoy came up behind him and checked her pulse. He nodded to say that she was fine; he then picked her up and headed down to sick bay. Spock opened his hand to find his mother's necklace that he gave Rowan for her birthday. He looked up to see Jim's face, it wasn't angry just sad. The one question running through his head, _what did she want to tell me? She's what? _

* * *

Spock walked in the sick bay to see how Rowan was, he was tired but sleep wouldn't come to him. He saw Jim standing beside her trying not to cry. "I'm not mad at you or Rowan for keeping your relationship a secret. Just thought I point that out." Jim finally spoke up just as Spock entered. "When did you guys started going out?"

"We were bonded when she was seven; we officially were in a relationship when she was thirteen. When I left, her Vulcan brother made her forget about us so when she came down to earth, we started anew. She wanted to keep it a secret because she was afraid of your reaction to us dating." Spock kept going on, he knew Jim didn't want to hear the full story but it made him feel better just talking about her. It filled the empty void inside.

Jim nodded gathering the full information. He understood why she kept it a secret but there was still one question that bothered him. "Did you know?"

"About what captain?" Spock asked curious to his sudden change in subject.

"About how she's pregnant?" Jim took his gaze off his sister and sister and looked at Spock to see his reaction. Judging by his dumbfounded look he knew he didn't, it was yet another secret she kept.

Spock stood there in shock, his whole body stiffening. "That's not possible." He stuttered.

"McCoy just told me. It's true. I have to go; you can take as much time as you need, the night shift is no longer yours. I can take it." Jim said even though he was dog tired, he didn't mind doing this, especially after this big shocking news.

"No it's okay, I got it just give me a minute." Jim nodded and left to give him some space. Spock reached out his hand and placed it on Rowan's stomach, hoping against all hope Jim or McCoy was just pulling his leg but his worst fear happened.

He heard the soft cry of a child and then silence. "Dada?" He could hear the happiness in its voice as it recognized him. Spock's whole body froze and he threw his hand away breaking the link. He started to shake from trying to keep in the tears. In conclusion, rowan was dying along with a child he did not know about and she never told him instead she broke it off with him.

"Why did you let me go? Why didn't you tell me?" He wasn't sure if he should cry, be angry or what, he was lost and confused. He straightened out his back and headed to his post, he couldn't take the night off, he needed to keep his mind off things and the only way to do that was work.

"Spock?" He heard as he got to the exit but he kept going like he never heard her. Rowan threw off the covers and started to get out of her bed but Aaliyah stopped her.

"Hold it there chap. You need to lie back down." Aaliyah lightly put pressure on her shoulders to stop her from getting up.

"I need to see him. Please?" Rowan pleaded.

"I'm sorry chap but I can't you need your sleep to heal." Aaliyah said as she put more sleep serum in her. She felt so sorry for her but this was the only way for her to get better.

"I am the overlord therefore you have no control over me therefore, let me go." Rowan commanded in a deep voice, staring down at Aaliyah.

Aaliyah shook her head, wondering what the heck was in the medication that made her two friends crazy. "Rowan, chap, you know I can't do that."

"Do I need to eat an apple? I hear they keep the doctors away." Rowan threatened, her mind wasn't exactly in the right mind so she said whatever came to her mind. "I want an apple now. Can you get me one?" Rowan asked, sounding too much like a hungry five year old.

Aaliyah face palmed and shook her head. "No, that does not work. If it makes you feel better, you're going to be fine and so is your child. Also after speaking to admiral Pike…"

"Whoa. We have a fish as an admiral?" Rowan asked with a dumbfounded expression on her face. "Cool" She smiled and giggled.

"You are able to graduate when we return to earth." Aaliyah continued, ignoring her last comment.

"Sweet!" Rowan lay back down, the sleep medication finally kicking in again.


	14. Blackbird

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 14**

After finally completing the mission that was assigned, the Enterprise was heading back to earth. Jim was heading to sick bay to, unlike Spock, check up on his sister and his yeoman, even though he was in need of a shower. When he walked in, he smiled, glad to see that they're both in good health and laughing like the good old days.

"Regarde c'est Jimmy cricket." Genevieve said, when she noticed Jim.

"I do believe its Jiminy cricket." Rowan said in her Vulcan like voice, raising an eyebrow.

"Fermer ta tres grand bouche et lancer la cle chuchu. (Shut your big fat mouth and throw away the key.)" Genevieve yelled at Rowan before going to her calm, as normal as you can get when you're high on meds, self. "Bonjour. (Hello)."

Jim looked at them both with a weird look. "I think I came at the wrong time." Jim said as he started to slowly back up to the exit.

"No, stay jimmy cricket." Rowan said in a cutesy voice, imitating her friend.

"Oh boy McCoy gave you something again didn't he?" Jim asked even though he knew the answer.

"Oui...so?" Genevieve answered in a voice filled with attitude.

"You're bossy." Rowan muttered.

Jim took his attention away from Genevieve and stared at his sister with an angry look. "Excuse me?"

"And short." Rowan said as she burst into a fit of giggles..

"I'll have you know, I am way taller than you." Jim

"Nuh uh! I am this much bigger then you" Rowan cried jumping up onto the bio bed; she stretched her arm up as much as she could. "See? This much bigger!"

"Yeah, okay." Jim said in a sarcastic voice.

"JIMMY" Rowan screamed angrily before launching herself off the bio bed and at Jim, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck.

Jim lost balance for a second but it got it again before falling back. "Okay I think someone needs to go back to sleep until we get back to earth."

"Never! Gwenny quickly before the sleep monster gets us we must run" Rowan cried before cackling maniacally.

"Aaliyah or McCoy or whoever is working help!" Jim cried out.

Aaliyah walked in after hearing the call, McCoy was still gone so she took his shift. "Oh dear bloody hell." Aaliyah said as she what was going on. _McCoy needs to seriously cut off the medication. _She said to herself.

"Wait hell can be bloody? I was there once, it was hot but I don't remember it being bloody." Rowan said in a dreamy voice and spacing out.

"Sorry about that chap but the medication keeps making them hyper." Aaliyah apologized to Jim

"No..." Jim started to say but he was cut off by a strange noise in the background.

"Chap, chap." They looked over to where the noise was coming from and it was just Genevieve in the background repeating chap over and over again with different pitches. "I need chap...Stick." Genevieve said emphasizing the word chap.

Aaliyah went to Rowan first since she was the main concern but Rowan stopped her. "Jimmy? Where's my little elf?"

Jim cringed at the mention of Spock. The half Vulcan had been in a foul mood ever since he had stopped coming to visit Rowan, although he would not admit it. "We'll you see the thing is...I mean ... That is to say"

"Jimmy tell me." Rowan growled fierceness in her eyes.

Aaliyah knew why Jim didn't want to tell her, ever since Spock learned of the pregnancy and how she almost got herself killed while pregnant, he stopped visiting and checking up on her, he could've been mad but she couldn't tell. "Okay, love time for you to black out for a bit."

Rowan smacked the needle out of Aaliyah's hand and glared at her brother. "I'm not blacking out until I know what has happened with my little elf." She growled

"Did you know dolphins are gay sharks?" Genevieve asked out of the blue breaking the tension. She also knew about the whole Spock problem and she hoped that her random outburst would distract her long enough, that she would her forget about it.

Rowan got up, her face becoming serious "Fine if you won't tell me where my elf is, I shall go on a voyage to find him." The ravenette marched towards the exit and turned it around, facing everyone. "And I shall call this adventure THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK!"

Aaliyah wouldn't allow her to see Spock, not now, he was in a foul mood and he was not to be messed with. Aaliyah pulled Rowan back and dragged her back with the help of Jim to the bio bed. "You shall do no such thing. You need to heal and rest. Doctors' orders."

"NO I WANT SPOCK! I WANT MY ELF" Rowan screamed as she kicked and thrashed against Aaliyah and Jim, unaware she was letting her distress flow ever into Spock side of the bond. Aaliyah stuck the needle in her arm and she passed out. Spock twinge as he felt the distress but since it was short he didn't bother checking on her.

* * *

A lot changed about earth while they were away. The snow all melted and the sun shone brightly as the grass started to grow. Rowan walked up to the academy, the medication was no longer in her system and she felt normal again. Her graduation was in a few hours and she was ready but there was just one thing that she had to do. She needed to speak with Spock about everything, she wanted to do so earlier so she could pack up all her belongings a from her old dorm room at the Academy but he has been completely ignoring her and she wasn't really in the right mind. Rowan smiled when she saw him, she ran up to Spock pulling him in a hug. "Hello again." She said when she pulled away, with a confused look on her face, usually he returns the gesture.

"Greetings." Spock responded in a very monotone voice, so she couldn't decide if he was happy or angry.

"There's something I have to tell you. I'm..." Rowan began to say but Spock raised his hand to stop her mid-sentence.

""I already know that you're pregnant. Your brother told me." Spock tried to suppress the anger but he just couldn't.

"Look I wanted to tell you sooner but I knew if I did you wouldn't let me go and I had to go, or everyone I loved would've died. And when the second chance came I passed out. Then you never visited me while I was in sick bay so how else was I supposed to?" Rowan explained really quickly so the whole scene wouldn't have a chance to replay in her mind. She went on her tiptoes hoping for a kiss but Spock turned away. She went back down on the flat ground and looked at him with a confused look "What's wrong?" She asked while raising an eyebrow.

"You endangered two lives, your own and that of our unborn child" Spock said his eyes sharp "you acted carelessly and this has proven to me that you are unable to make appropriate decisions concerning the child's life. I have put in an application to star fleet requesting your immediate dismissal as an officer and requested that you be put in a facility where you will be unable to inflict harm upon yourself or our child"

"That was uncalled for. I didn't agree upon that and I did what I had to do. If I didn't endanger my life and the unborn child's life, everyone would be dead. I already had everything planned and my mind was set, the pregnancy was not part of it. Heck I didn't even know about it, until the day I left, to save your and many other peoples asses." Rowan fired back, anger glinting in her eyes. She was not expecting this at all.

The smallest flicker of rage flashed across Spock's face and he took a threatening step towards Rowan "I did not agree to you almost getting yourself and my child killed. You will go to new Vulcan once you have been discharged from the fleet, you will live with my father and elder Selek until the birth of the child at that time Winona Kirk has said she will help you take care of it back on earth in Iowa"

"This is my life, you can't tell me what to do. I will continue doing my job on the enterprise and there's nothing you can do or say that will stop me." Rowan glared at Spock, the anger starting to bubble in her stomach.

Spock grabbed onto Rowan's arms tightly and yanked her towards him, his composure finally slipping. He dug his fingers into her skin until it was sure to bruise. "Du tez'ce van-tor, du dengi ot zuh-tor van-razh. (You are mine, you will listen to me.)" Spock glared down at Rowan, his eyes burning with emotion. "Thee endanger thy self and my child." He hissed backing them up until Rowan hit a wall. Once he was sure the human was wedged firmly between his chest and the wall he let his hands drift down. His left came to rest on her hip in its bruising grip while the other came to rest possessively against her abdomen "You are my katelau (Mate) and no others." he said pressing his face into the juncture where her shoulder met neck and taking a deep breath in "you belong to me and no other, you have no right to leave me" He growled before he kissed her possessively.

Rowan pushed Spock away. "My graduation is in an hour I'm going to go and get things squared away and graduate. Goodbye." Rowan turned on her heel and started to walk away.

Spock growled again, grabbing onto Rowan arm and dragging her back. "You will leave when I allow you to; I have already told you that you are being discharged from star fleet so you will not graduate." Spock took a deep breath in, emotion still clear on his face. "You will not endanger the life of my child again with your foolish actions."

"I can leave when I want. I already clarified that you're not in control of my actions. If you need me I will be talking to the federation so I can graduate today, like planned." Rowan replied, vindication in her voice.

"Very well" Spock said before lifting Rowan up and tossing her unceremoniously over his shoulder, placing one hand on her inner thigh and mid-back. "I shall make sure you are on the transport to new Vulcan myself!" Spock strode out of the academy. Rowan started to punch his back not causing much damage since he couldn't feel a thing. She then started to squirm; she managed to find a nerve and pinched it. Spock collapsed and Rowan got up and was about to leave when she saw her brother coming up to her.

"I don't know what happened; he seemed to have passed out." Rowan told her brother with the best innocent look she could muster

"We'll you're going to be late for your graduation so go get ready. I'll see if I can wake him up." Her brother ordered, she nodded and left, heading towards Admiral Pike's office.

* * *

Rowan came up to Admiral Pike's office and knocked on the door, hoping he was still there.

"Come in." A scruffy voice said and Rowan entered.

"Admiral. Spock is not here at the moment but we've come to an understanding and he wishes to withdraw the application of my dismissal." Rowan lied professionally, making it sound like the truth.

Pike looked at her for a minute then pulled open the drawer with all files in it. He found the application and put it in the paper shredder. "It's done. You're going to be late then, go get ready for your graduation already."

"Thank you." Rowan smiled and walked out the door to the main hall.

* * *

Rowan smiled brightly as her brother handed her, her badge and diploma. She looked over and saw all her friends cheering her on except one. Spock was in the dark corner, glaring down at her with a most disapproving look.

"Don't let him get to ya." Jim whispered in her ear before he patted her on the back and she walked off the podium, still holding a smile.

* * *

Rowan walked down the hallway to her dorm with her two best friends, they were talking about a party to celebrate their first mission together but Rowan was paying little attention, her mind was somewhere else. Also she really didn't feel like she deserved to be part of it. When she finally got to her dorm, she punched in the code and entered, her two friends going silent. There in the office desk chair was Spock.

"We'll leave you two alone to talk." Aaliyah said first and she forced Genevieve to leave with her. Rowan gulped nervously and started to chew her lower lip.

"I am pleased to see you have not managed to put yourself in danger once more" Spock snapped coolly.

"Who are you? You are not the loving Spock that I know and fell in love with." Rowan asked, curious to hear his answer.

"It has become quite apparent that my love is not enough to keep you from endangering your life" Spock snapped "I do not understand what it is about your family but it seems you are able to emotionally compromise me"

"Maybe if you don't over react about everything you wouldn't be emotionally compromised by us." She snapped back.

"You were dead. I lost you the only hopes I had of having a family and found out we were going to have a child after that." Spock told her getting up. "Do you have any idea what that did to me? I not only lost my planet, my mother, most of my people and my T'hy'la, but also my unborn child." Rowan stared at him, no idea what to say to that. Guilt grew in her stomach. Spock pressed a hand to Rowan's cheek "I fear I will lose my sanity if you are to die"

"I'm sorry." Rowan finally managed to choke out. "I only did what I had to, to save those I love." She said before bursting out into tears of guilt.

Spock wrapped his arms around her tightly. "But in doing so you have hurt us."

"I'm so sorry. I was selfish and only thinking of myself." Rowan said as she snuggled in his shoulder.

Spock ran a shaky hand through her hair. "Your brother and I...all of your friends we would do anything to have you remain in good health, please do not make all of our efforts be in vain."

"Spock I didn't rea…" Rowan was cut off as cool lips pressed against her chapped ones in a gentle kiss.


	15. State Of Grace

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 15**

**A month later**

Rowan kept staring at her reflection, smiling brightly as she swirled around in her white dress. It was quite simple, since it was just a simple wedding. It was a one shoulder strap dress with a sweet heart neckline, it didn't have a train because she hated them it just went down to her ankles so you could see the sparkly white high heels. Her hair was done up in a braid and a tiara (a gift from her mother Winona) was placed on her head tying everything together. It was simple like everything else, it was just diamond flowers tied together by metal vines. Her makeup wasn't to showy also. She just had gold eye shadow and eyeliner to bring out her brown eyes. Her lips and cheeks were both a pale pink to bring out her pale cheeks and lips.

"You look so pretty chap." Aaliyah squealed, she was so glad her friend invited her, especially since they've haven't seen or talk to each other in a while since they were on different ships. Rowan stopped and looked in the mirror and smiled even more. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah give me a second." Rowan said. She just needed time to believe this was actually happening and to figure out how she got Spock to this. Also she had to check to make sure all was well. "Aaliyah I said you could leave." Rowan said when she saw a shadow in the background. As she examined the shadow, she realized this wasn't her friend, it was too tall. She turned around to see a romulan in the background. "Hi, can I help you?" The romulan smiled and pulled out a blade, Rowan froze in spot not sure what to do.

* * *

Spock stood at the altar of an old church. Jim was standing to his right, holding the rings for his friends and sister's wedding. Spock found the idea of a human wedding illogical but had agreed to it to make his bondmate happy. As the music started to play, everyone's head turned to look at the door waiting for the bride to arrive. They flew open with a bang, a disheveled Dr. McCoy stood in between them his face grim. "She's gone." He mumbled to a shock crowd. Spock felt his blood go cold as he noticed the dark blood still on McCoy's suit. Spock and Jim followed McCoy out of the room, leaving behind stunned guests. They climbed up the stairs to the room where the bride was kept, it felt like a lifetime had passed when they reached the top and Spock could feel Jim's fear for his sister rolling off of him in waves. It took all of Spock's control to stop him from crying out as the doors opened. Dead dark brown eyes stared up at him from the floor. Black hair lay in disarray, her dress that was once ivory white was covered in splatters of red and a dagger with romulan writing protruded from her chest, above her heart.

* * *

Selek (who also goes by Spock prime) snapped back to reality as tears welled up in his eyes but never came out. This was another time created by red matter, a black hole and a vengeful romulan. An alternate reality. He looked up to see Rowan and his other self, exchanging vows, a smile forcing its way out but he managed to keep it in. He was glad that his other self wouldn't suffer the same fate he did.

* * *

After the wedding Rowan slipped into her blue dress she wore on Halloween, which seemed liked ages ago to her. She was looking for Spock because he had something important to tell her but he disappeared. As she was looking she bumped into her brother. "Hey little sis! Congrats!" Jim pulled her into a tight brotherly hug. Rowan started to pat his back to tell him she couldn't breathe. He got the message and let go. "Now you said in your letter that you can beat me any day so come at me sis!" Rowan rolled her eyes at her brother's childish behavior.

"I find your childish behavior illogical." Rowan pointed out but Jim was already ahead of her, he tackled hugged her and started to mess up her hair. Rowan elbowed him in the gut causing him to double over. "Don't touch the hair." Rowan hissed, fixing the French braid that Genevieve took forever to do. Jim was about to attack again but Rowan threatened to nerve pinch him again so he backed off. "Now have you seen my husband?"

"Yeah he's talking to some old guy back there." Jim pointed to where and with a curt nod Rowan walked up to them. She stopped dead in her tracks; the old Vulcan looked too much like Spock. _This is impossible there can't be two. _She thought while trying to figure out the most logical answer.

"Greetings Rowan, I'm Ambassador Selek." The old Vulcan said casually and calmly like it wasn't creepy there was two of him.

"It's an honor to meet you Ambassador Selek." She kept staring at them, still not figuring out anything. _Can't be his twin, to old and I would've known about it, not his father or his grandfather since I met both of them on Vulcan. _Then the pieces fell into place, _that's impossible. _"Sorry to interrupt but this is going to sound really crazy but are you Spock from another time?" _Real smooth Rowan, make the new ambassador think you're a nut job._

"You were always the smart one." Rowan head snapped up, _I was right?_ She started to feel a little dizzy so she excused herself and went outside that's when she got an even bigger shock.

* * *

Rowan stared at her Vulcan brother in shock, she believed he was dead, gone with the rest of Vulcan but there he was, living and breathing. A smile etched upon her face as she pulled him in a hug. "How is this possible? Vulcan blew up and I thought you went along with it. But you're here, alive?"

"I left a day before it happened. The ambassadors sent me on a mission. when I got back, there was no Vulcan, so I came down to earth to see if you were okay but you were gone so I stayed here until you came back" Serron responded calmly, even though sadness and happiness bubbled inside him.

"We'll I'm glad you came, especially today." Rowan smiled brightly and started to veer him towards Spock and Selek.

"Why? It isn't your birthday." Serron calculated trying to figure out how much time has passed since he left and wondering if it was actually her birthday.

"It's my wedding! And I graduated two weeks ago." Rowan responded in a sing song voice, smiling brightly.

"Married to whom?" Serron asked stopping to a dead halt. His biggest fear coming into his mind.

"My bondmate Spock S'chn T'gai. Remember when I was bonded back home when I was seven, well the one I was bonded with, that's him." Serron stared at her sister; a chill went up his spine. He remembered this kid, he used to taunt him for being different and even though he protected his sister from the taunts of the others he never helped him. All his work on making her forget gone out the window.

"I shall introduce you to him you'll like him, he's amazing. One second." Rowan ran off, since Serron was in so much shock he couldn't move. She didn't remember that Serron used to taunt Spock, that most of her problems on Vulcan between Spock and her was her brother. "Spock I'll like to introduce you to my Vulcan brother Serron Seltar." Rowan smiled brightly at the two before she was taking away from Jim to meet her other half-brother: George Sam Kirk.

"You made her forget didn't you? You're the reason why she didn't remember me or committed to the Vulcan way aren't you?" Spock asked as soon as Rowan was out of ear shot and hoping he was right.

"I wanted her to forget, she was thinking about forgetting her true side and becoming Vulcan just so she could be like you. But then you left and she cried for hours, she wanted to become a Vulcan just so she could suppress the pain you put her through. I stopped her from doing so but one day she got beat up badly and so she went ahead. I'm the one who saw her bloody and broken. If you were there that wouldn't have happened, none of this would've happened." Serron replied, resisting the urge to glare or show anger.

"It's also your fault she was broken and bloody. Where were you when it happened?" Spock raised an eyebrow, hiding his anger better than Serron.

"I was away at VSA unlike some people who left my sister alone and depressed." Serron hissed, the anger finally showing. Serron looked at her sister in the distance to keep the anger down, when he noticed a slight bump in her stomach, the anger went up again. "She's pregnant isn't she?" Serron asked disgust in his voice. Spock didn't respond but the answer was clear as day. "Great. She's a goner then. You know humans can't handle disgusting half Vulcan's they're three times stronger than her she's going to die. "

"If you haven't forgotten my mother survived and was perfectly healthy." Spock tilted his head I confusion, hiding the fear in his voice.

"Who that whore? You're just like your father, a traitor. As humans say like father like son. And worst of all with my sister. Why couldn't you just leave her alone and let her find someone else of her own species?" Raged boiled in the pit of Spock's stomach and he couldn't hold it in. He threw a punch and hit Serron right in the jaw. "Just like the good old days, I say your mom is a whore and your dad is a traitor and you throw the first punch." Serron said looking at Spock with an evil glint in his eyes as he rubbed his jaw. He was about to throw another punch but Spock prime stopped him.

"It is not logical for you two to continue fighting" Spock prime stated giving to two young males' stern looks.

"Sorry ambassador Selek. I don't know what caused him to do that." Serron said, hoping he didn't hear the first half of their conversation. That way it could seem like Serron was an innocent victim

"I want you to stay away from rowan and our child." Spock yelled at him as the strength of the older half Vulcan held him back. Spock glared at Serron, remembering everything that he did, past and present.

"I will no longer stand in your way Spock, but do not wrong my sister more so than you already have. Also if that disgusting half breed kills her, I will not let you sleep ill make sure it's on your mind every day." Serron sneered. He flattened out his suit and strode away.

* * *

Outside of the church, there's a cliff that overlooks a lake and one that cliff a single stone. On it, it read: "cast out fear. There is no room for everything else until you cast out fear." It was a saying that Rowan's Vulcan mother: T'les always told her whenever she was scared. "Hey mother, I know you think making a grave for you on earth is illogical but I want you to be here and Vulcan, the two worlds that I'm part of. When I get a home on new Vulcan I promise to make a grave for you in the backyard. Anyway I miss you so much. I don't know what do and I just need you here to help me out. The two people that mean the most to me hate each other. You should've seen them today they were at each other's throats." Rowan fought back tears as she talked to the stone, hoping her message would reach up to her, hoping for a response, even though she knew there wasn't going to be one.

"You've made a grave for mother?" Serron asked when he finally met up with his sister, looking at the tombstone.

Rowan jumped, he came so silently and she was afraid he heard her talking about her problems. "Yeah I did"

"Rowan, there's something I must tell you." Serron said in an icy tone. Curious by his tone of voice Rowan gave him her full attention. "You have disgraced the house of Seltar by bonding with a traitor and by having a child that could kill you." Serron said calmly and collectively, like he planned what he was going to say for a long time.

"I don't understand what you're saying." Rowan got up to her full height and stared at her brother with a confused look, surely he can't be talking about what she thought he was.

"Thanks to your decisions, you are longer my sister." Serron flinched as he saw his sister cry. During his whole life he always tried to stop his sister from crying but now he had no choice.

"Serron I don't understand." Rowan asked in shock, this couldn't be happening; she couldn't lose the only member of her Vulcan family.

"What don't you understand? It's quite logical. You have disgraced the house of Seltar..."

"What I don't understand is that for your whole life all you wanted for me was happiness and now that I'm the happiest I can get you're cutting me off." Rowan raised her voice stopping him from continuing his last sentence.

"I cannot be known as the brother of a traitor or the uncle of a disgusting hybrid." Serron explained fighting the urge to hug his sister and tell her everything is going to be okay.

"Is that all you care about? Your stupid titles? I thought you cared mostly about family." Rowan spat, all sadness gone while rage replaced it.

"You're no longer part of the family so you're no longer part of my care. Live long and prosper Rowan." Serron's hand formed the ta'al and he was gone.

Rowan collapsed on the ground and leaned her head against the slab of Rock. "Wish you were here mother. I need my mommy."

* * *

Rowan lay awake in the dark, Spock was fast asleep next to her and not even his soft, slow breathing would make her fall asleep. She quietly slipped out of bed and walked outside on the front porch. Just for the night she was staying at Aaliyah's place, tomorrow she would be on the Enterprise again facing whatever was next. She looked up at the earth's sky, the stars were out and there was a bright full moon out hidden in the clouds. "Couldn't sleep?" Rowan turned to see Jim smiling at her with a cup in his hand. Rowan nodded sadly, hiding the tears. "Here my brother used to give me a cup of tea when I couldn't sleep. It's like coffee just different affects." Jim said handing her the cup. Rowan took a sip and he was right, it was like coffee hot and sweet but instead of being wide awake she felt a bit sleepier.

"Thanks." Rowan muttered while taking another sip.

"So what's wrong? What is making you not sleep?" Jim asked, worried about his sister.

"My Vulcan brother said I was a disgrace to his family and that I'm no longer his sister because I'm married to Spock, he always hated him and the other reason because I'm pregnant with as he says a disgusting hybrid." Rowan replied sadly, tears starting to fall.

"That illogical pointy eared bastard!" Jim yelled in anger making Rowan laugh. "I'm sorry but he is! First of all you can marry who you want and second you are pregnant with a half breed but it's not disgusting."

"No need to explain. I know." Rowan put her hand up to tell him to stop explaining.

"Well you know what that's his lost. He lost the best sister anyone can have. And one day when you and I rule the galaxies he will be wishing he didn't let you go." Jim sounded so sure of himself that it made Rowan smile.

"How do you know you and I will rule the galaxies?" Rowan asked curious to hear the answer. Unlike her brother she wasn't so sure she would rule the galaxies.

"We're awesome that's why." Jim threw his hands up in the air and smiled brightly to see his sister smiling. Rowan started to laugh even more, she put down her tea because she was laughing so hard she couldn't drink it. "Come here." Jim said opening his arms for a hug. Rowan accepted the hug and started to cry tears of joy at least she still had one brother who loves her.

"Thanks." Rowan muttered in his shoulder.

"No problem now go to bed that's an order! If we want to rule the galaxies we need our sleep." Jim ordered casually, like he was back in the ship.

"Aye captain!" Rowan saluted and went back to her room.

She slid back under the covers without making a sound to not disturb Spock who was sound asleep next to her. His arms were right next to Rowan so she nudge it and when he moved his arm a bit she snuggled in, head against his chest, the slow breathing finally making her doze off.


	16. Safe And Sound

**How I Came To Be**

**Chapter 16**

"SPOCK!" Rowan screamed her feet beating against the scorching desert sand as she tried to keep up with the half Vulcan. Spock barely glanced behind as he reached his arm out and grabbed a hold of Rowan's wrist. They ran together, the ground shaking and cracking beneath their feet. Rowan stumbled and fell, the air being knocked out of her lungs. Spock jerked his arm upwards trying to stop her. A sickening pop rung through the air and made him freeze. Rowan wailed in pain, her arm now sticking out in an awkward angle from where it should have been attached to her shoulder. Spock barely took the time to assess that he had dislocated it before he pulled Rowan up into his arms and started to run again, her head pressed tightly into his shirt which was becoming wet form tears of pain. Spock flinched as Rowan's emotions started to bleed into him making him feel everything she did. Every spasm of pain, every wave of fear and sorrow for what was happening melting into his being as well. Spock skidded to a halt as they came to a ledge. He put Rowan back onto her feet and he pulled out his communicator "Mr. Scott." Spock said trying to maintain his false calm. "Two to beam up."

"Aye sir."

Spock let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding before his stomach dropped as he heard the breaking of rock. Spock turned around and his eyes bulged "Rowan!" He cried as he lunged towards his T'hy'la. He grabbed onto Rowan's hand that was connected to her uninjured arm to stop her from falling into the void where ground had once been. There was a moment of silence where the black haired woman dangled before something glinted in Rowan's eyes and she let go of Spock's hand.

Spock's voice caught in his throat as he watched her fall and the next moment he was on the enterprise, laid out across the transporter pad. He slowly pushed himself upright, his limbs feeling like they were filled with led. It took Spock a moment to realize that the room was dimly light and that Sarek was standing in a far corner, no members of the crew anywhere to be found. "Father" Spock breathed, his calm composure breaking as his telepathic bond with Rowan finally shattered. She was now dead.

Sarek stepped towards Spock, his posture even more rigid and unwelcoming then it had ever been. There was a tense silence before Sarek spoke to his son in a cool tone. "You have dishonoured your house."

Spock almost blinked in confusion. "Father...what do you mean, I don't understand." Faint lines of disgust could be seen on the Vulcan ambassador's face.

"You failed to save your mother and your bondmate, it is apparent that you are disgusted by humans, why else would you allow two to fall to their deaths and nearly strangle another to death?" Sarek said. "And if that was not enough you allow your emotions to come through to clearly." Spock spluttered trying to figure out why his father would say such things. "You are a disgrace to not only myself and your house, but also your mother"

"I have never disgraced mother, s-she loved me" Spock whispered.

A cruel laugh filtered into the room. "Did you truly believe those lies I told you?"

"Mother?" Spock crocked as a woman dressed in his mother's robe walked in.

"But of course you stupid child" the woman hissed, eyes filled with hate trained on him.

Spock stepped towards her but was stopped by a sharp slap. He raised a hand to his slowly darkening cheek. "Mother why? How c-"

Another laugh filled the room. "How could I? You're a disgusting half breed and a waste of space! I wish I had never given birth to you! You're not a Vulcan and you're not a human, you're nothing." A dark grin appeared on Amanda's face. "You disgust me with every part of your being, that's why I stepped away from you and didn't reach for you, I would rather be dead then have people know what a disgrace my son is, that's why Rowan let go to if you didn't understand that." Amanda thought about it for moment before she realized something. "Of course you didn't your emotionless, not even your father was this dense with the concept of emotion."

Spock stumbled backwards as he choked back sobs. "Mother, father why are you saying such things?" Amanda started to laugh more loudly then she had before, her voice so shrill it was hurting his ears. Sarek fixed him with a truly menacing gaze as he strode forward, trapping his son against a wall.

"There's nowhere else for you to run and hide krus fot guhsh." (Piece of trash) Sarek growled his hands shooting out and starting to crush his larynx. Spock desperately grabbed at his father's hand as his vision started to darken around the edges. Spock's eyes widened as Rowan appeared behind Sarek, her body mangled and deformed, blood dropped from her nose and as she grinned at him and he could see blood on her teeth.

"Your mother's right you know, but it's not like I ever truly loved you you're the son of a traitor and a whore." Rowan's insane laughter joined that of his mothers, her head tossing back to reveal where skin has been ripped away by jagged rock. Rowan abruptly stopped laughing. "Of course there's another reason I let go, the fact that I would rather die than have a weak half breed disgusting offspring using my body to come into this world."

Spock made a choked gurgling noise before he went limp, welcoming the darkness of death as tears finally rolled down his cheeks.

* * *

"Spock?...Spock?... SPOCK! Please wake up!" Rowan's desperate voice cried, her hair fell into her face, all askew from everything that was happening. Rowan straddled Spock's hips, desperately shaking his shoulders. At first she hadn't thought much of it when Spock had started to toss and turn but when the first scream passed his lips she had known what was happening was something serious.

Without warning Spock jerked awake, nearly bucking Rowan off the bed. He caught the human in the last second, his hands fisting in the silk of her night dress. The stitches in the material groaned in protest of the half Vulcan's sudden force filled jerk before they ripped, causing Spock's nails to drag across Rowan's skin. Rowan yelped as some of her skin broke, red welts springing up in the non-bleeding arias. She was unable to focus on the pain for long since she was suddenly pulled under the covers and pressed with her back firmly against the bed. Hot moist air made her shiver and caused goose bumps to appear as it graced the flesh of her throat. Kisses were peppered to every piece of exposed skin, even against her ribs where her nightgown had been ripped.

Rowan bit into her lips as Spock's face finally came into her view, faintly red from where he had placed them against her blood. Rowan stared at him with worried eyes as she wiped her blood off his lips. He never acted this way before. "Spock are you alright?" Deafening silence filled the room after Rowan's inquiry.

"I am satisfactory now" Spock replied before crushing Rowan's body against his as he lay back down. Shaky hands carded through the human's hair as his face rested in the nap of her neck. "You" kiss "know" kiss "I" kiss "care" kiss "for" kiss "you" kiss "deeply?" Spock paused before bringing his lips nearer to hers. "Do you not?"

"Of course" Rowan whispered before closing the distance between their lips. Spock closed his eyes, a solitary tear dropping from his eyes and onto Rowan's cheek.

"Tal-kam veh (dear one) why do you cry?" Rowan asked as she brushed her nose against Spock's.

"It is nothing, come we must return to sleep, we have shifts in the morning."

"How do you expect me to fall back asleep knowing there's something wrong with you?" Rowan asked as she looked up at the half Vulcan.

Spock sighed. "Please T'hy'la rest, I shall tell you in the morning." Rowan shot Spock her best glare before she gave in.

"Fine, but I'm holding you to that so you better tell me in the morning." The human grumbled as she faded back into sleep, still wrapped in the tight, protective Vulcan embrace.

* * *

Rowan finished up the last bit of her makeup and started to braid her hair, when she heard the sound of Spock stirring awake. "Morning sleepy head!" Rowan said as she sat next to him, finishing up her braid.

"Morning." Spock muttered, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"What was bothering you last night? You promised to tell me." Rowan asked.

Spock took a deep breath before he told her everything from every last detail, fighting back the tears.

"Aw poor baby." Rowan put her arm on Spock's shoulders and pulled him in a side hug. "None of that is true. Both your parents love you and so do I. And I'm anything but disgusted about our kid. So don't let it get to you." Rowan kissed the top of Spock's head and started to fix his bed head.

Spock pulled away and looked at his t'hy'la with loving eyes. "I love you." He mumbled.

"I love you to." Rowan replied before cool lips pressed against hers. "I should go and let you get ready. I don't want you to be late." Rowan got up and flattened out her uniform and braid, to make sure it was perfect. "I'll see you later." Rowan said as she walked out.

* * *

"I'm a doctor not a celebrity dammit!" Rowan heard McCoy yell as she walked onto the bridge.

"What's going on?" Rowan asked, curious as to what was going on.

"Genevieve made these celebrity couple names for you and Spock and McCoy and I, so mister grumpy here is not to impress." Aaliyah explained, smiling at McCoy.

"Oh dear. What are these names anyway?" Rowan asked, even though she didn't really want to know.

"McCoy and I, Alloy. You and Spock, Spowan." Aaliyah said, holding in the laughter.

Rowan sighed and rolled her eyes. "And where is Genevieve?" Rowan asked when she saw no sign of her on the bridge. Her question was soon answered when Genevieve stepped off the bridge, she had a bright smile on her face and she seemed to have this positive glow around her.

"What happened to you chap?" Aaliyah asked.

"I am ze most joyful person in ze world!" Genevieve exclaimed happily. She pulled Rowan and Aaliyah into a hug. "There iz a new couple now. It iz…" Genevieve thought for a moment until she finally came up with one. "Jinny. Jim et moi! He just asked me during breakfast." Genevieve exclaimed. "You see Jim and ze nickname he uses Gwenny form Jinny." Genevieve explained as she pulled away. Rowan and Aaliyah both patted her in the back and smiled. They both congratulated her, before Jim came on and started to fire orders.

* * *

"Real smooth." Rowan muttered to herself, not only did she lose the away team but she also managed to lose herself on some unknown planet. There were trees everywhere if you got off the trail; you would fall into the pit of water that was smack down in the middle of the planet. She heard a twig snap and saw a few branches move, Rowan pulled out her phaser in caution; she was praying it was someone on the away team not something that wants to eat her. Out from the bushes came a tall, slim human in a red Starfleet uniform that was ripped up and there was cuts and bruises all over her. Her dirty blonde hair looked gold in the bright sun and her brown eyes were a caramel colour. Rowan stared in awe never before has she seen this person on the enterprise or at the academy for that matter. She realized she wasn't fully human just by the way her eyebrows pointed up and her ears had a little point to them, she was either part Vulcan or romulan.

"Mother?" The hybrid said, sounding like a three year old who hasn't seen her mother in a while. Rowan stared at her weird; she was the mother of no child except the one on the way and the one she adopted, who was back on New Vulcan. "Can you please explain to me how you're still alive?"

Rowan stared at her, trying to figure out a way to explain things. She had no idea who this was. Then something dawned on her, this was all a joke. "Haha very funny Kirk." Rowan said as she looked for Kirk who was probably hiding somewhere, laughing at her.

"Uncle is alive as well?" Roman was confused but happy at the same time, she believed they were both dead.

"Okay Kirk this has gone on too far. Come on get out here laugh in my face and all that. Just remember you'll have to speak to Spock about this and he won't be happy about this." Rowan kept spinning in circles hoping for her brother to pop out.

"Father knows about you two being alive? Why has he not told me?" Roman asked demanding an answer, since all her questions were being ignored.

"Okay Kirk last chance. It was funny at the beginning now it's just getting plan annoying. Haha make fun of the one who's pregnant by making her see her child in future form. Now come on. And by the way she looks nothing like me, if you haven't noticed, I'm not blonde." Rowan yelled in frustration.

"Rowan there you are." Rowan turned around and saw her brother approaching her, when he got close enough Rowan slapped him. "Ow what was that for? I just found you and possibly saved your life." Jim said in shock. He looked at his sister with a hurt face.

"That wasn't a funny joke Jim!" Rowan hissed "not even remotely, you really had me scared!" She then gestured over at the other woman. "And where did you get her?"

Jim stared at the girl for a moment, not having the slightest hint. "I don't know who she is. I can remember pretty faces pretty easily but this pretty face, no clue."

"Excuse me. Uncle I'm your niece." Roman said in disgust.

"What?" Jim asked, voice rising in confusion.

"Do none of you remember me?" Roman asked confused, lost and a little heart broken.

"How the hell can we remember you when we don't even know who the hell you are?" Jim asked, his voice rising in frustration.

"I'm Roman Schn T'gai, daughter of Rowan and Spock Schn T'gai. Captain of the USS chimera. Surely you remember me now." Roman said, raising an eyebrow. Jim swallowed nervously; he now knew who she was. He remembered a while back what Spock Prime told him, she was his kid and she somehow managed to come back in time as well but how?

"Kirk, you know who she is dont you?" Rowan asked, seeing the look of recognition on his face.

"Scotty three to beam up. Also tell Spock, McCoy and the rest of the away team to continue this mission without myself and Rowan, this is an emergency."

* * *

"Roman what are you doing?" Amanda asked as she saw her granddaughter packing her bags.

"I'm going to on a search to find my mother." Roman replied, the innocence of a 10 year old showing.

"Darling please don't." Amanda ordered.

"Why not? I have a right to know who my mother is." Roman fired back, the innocence turning to anger. She was ten years old and never knew her mother and whenever she asked her father he would always change the subject. But most if the time he was away, only visiting once and a while.

"Spock never told you." Amanda responded sadly. She came into her granddaughter's room. "Come here." She patted the spot next to her and when Roman sat next to her, she started to braid her hair. "Your mother was murdered on her wedding day. You survived but she didn't, you were premature, born a few months early, which caused some troubles for you." Amanda stopped for a minute to collect her tears. Roman thought for a moment and let everything sink in. Some things started to make sense, like why she looked mostly human and her breathing issues. Amanda continued so roman tuned back to her voice, to hear the rest. "She never saw or knew you but she loved you. She did whatever it took to make sure you were not a miscarriage. She loved your father so much. She respected everything about Spock and she even stopped eating meat and got used to the Vulcan ways just so she could raise you like he wanted. When she died your father was out of sorts so he worked to keep his mind off it. As you grew older it got harder and harder for him to visit because you looked so much like her. You have her hair and eyes." Amanda stopped; she couldn't continue it was getting too hard.

Roman stared at her grandmother, a cold chill running up her spin. Her chest aching horribly and she could feel the first signs of tears. "Where did my mother come from?" The blond asked her voice cracking.

"Like me earth. The captain of the enterprise James Kirk is her brother...your uncle." Amanda responded slowly. This was too much for a little ten year old but she had to know the truth.

"Were they really in love?" Roman asked. "Because dad says Vulcans don't feel emotions."

"Yes, your dad may say that but it's not true. He says he doesn't feel emotions but you can see it in his eyes and the way he acts. Your father wouldn't let anyone go near her or hurt her; he protected her like his life depended on it." Amanda smiled as she thought of Rowan and her son. It helped push back some tears even though some were still falling.

Roman crawled up onto her grandmother's lap and wiped away some of her tears. "C-can I see her grandma? Do you have any holo pictures?"

Amanda swallowed back the tears as she got up and left. She came back with something in her hand. "This is the only thing we have left of her, that and her wedding ring which you wear around your neck." Amanda said as she held the ring up so roman could see it. Roman stared at it in shock she never knew the truth behind it, except the fact that her father gave it to her for safe keeping because it belonged to someone special and he didn't want to lose it while he was away. Amanda lit up the holo picture and Roman stared at in shock, her grandmother was right they were so much alike. The high cheekbones, the heart shaped face and the brown, caramel eyes.

"Grandmother how come her hair is black but mine is blonde?" Roman asked, she remembered clearly that her hair was like her mothers.

"She dyed it black before she met your father, she had a rough past." Amanda explained. "If you look closely enough you can see the black washing out." Roman squinted her eyes and saw some of the blonde at the roots.

* * *

Roman woke up to find herself in a sickbay at first she thought she was on her ship but everything came running back to her. A single tear fell down her face as she thought about it. She lost her crew and everything was gone. Spock told her everything about how much has changed, how everything changed, that her father was still actually alive, etc. She was stuck here in this time that she didn't be part of. She wanted to go back and captain the chimera and her crew and be with her family. But that couldn't happen. "How are you feeling?" Roman looked up to see Rowan walking up to her.

"I'm fine, nothing severe happened." Roman replied, an invisible smile played on her lips.

"Thought I'd come down to check on you. Also I wanted to ask you about the whole mother thing." Rowan said as she sat in a chair next to Roman.

Roman froze, she was sworn to secrecy to not tell her anything and she couldn't lie, she grew up telling the truth always so lying was not her strongest subject. "I was sworn to secrecy so I cannot answer any questions until I get back to New Vulcan."

Rowan nodded, understanding everything. Although she didn't know why everyone wanted to keep her secret. "Thought so. Anyway if you don't want to stay here, I'll let you stay in my quarters." Rowan offered and Roman gladly took it, the sickbay reminded her too much of her ship.

* * *

After dropping Roman off, Rowan headed towards Spock's quarters. Rowan came up to Spock's room and was about to hit the pass code when she remembered she didn't know it, since she barely ever came down here so she knocked, the good old fashion way. "Hey, I let Roman stay in my quarters for the night. Would it be okay if I stay here for the night?" Rowan asked when the doors finally opened.

"Yes but I have the night shift so I won't be here very long." She didn't care that he had to night shift; she needed to talk to him and have a place to crash. So that was all she wanted to hear, she walked past him and made herself comfortable.

"That's fine and there's something I must talk to you about." Rowan said as she threw the covers on and got comfortable. Spock froze for a minute before turning around and sat next to Rowan. "I'm worried about you. You're keeping secrets from me and that's not you. Talk to me, is this about Vulcan?" Rowan sat up and looked at him with worried concern eyes.

"If you're implying that my actions are somehow still impaired as a result of the loss of my home world, I believe I have demonstrated in the past months since then that I'm..." Spock started to say.

"That you're still grieving and that's okay but I know you better than anyone and you never keep secrets no matter how bad it is" Rowan said, finishing Spock's sentence.

"I am sorry Rowan. I do not understand your concerns I will endeavor to alleviate them as circumstances require." Spock threw on his blue uniform shirt over his black shirt and left before Rowan could question him any further. He felt bad for not telling her but it was the most logical thing to do.

Rowan stared at the dark ceiling wondering about Roman and why both her brother and bondmate would not tell her who she was and what was such a big deal about her that she could not know?


	17. Home

**How I Came To Be**

**(Sorry I haven't updated in a long time, I was having issues with my account and my computer)**

**Chapter 17 **

The bright lights and the sounds of the machines made Rowan's head ache more so than before, she was still half asleep and still trying to wake up. "Good morning shorty!" Jim exclaimed from behind Rowan, patting her on the back.

Rowan glared at her brother. "I am not short, I'm normal height." She retorted, straightening out her back to her full height.

"Yeah for a munchkin." Jim chuckled under his breath.

"Excuse me? What was that?" Rowan asked anger in her voice. She hoped he didn't say what she thought he did, she didn't want to hurt her brother and lose yet another one.

"I do believe he said yeah for a munchkin. Which is highly illogical, you'd be rather tall considering they're only about two feet tall." Spock spoke up, supporting Rowan.

"Curse you and your Vulcan super hearing." Jim mumbled.

Rowan glared at Jim and stuck her tongue out. "Don't make me nerve pinch you." She threatened Jim. She turned towards Spock and smiled at him. "Thanks sweetie." She kissed Spock on the cheek and returned back to glaring at her brother.

"You know Jim; I wouldn't be laughing at Rowan. Karma does get back at you." Roman said casually as she walked on the bridge. It was part of her routine to come on the bridge every morning; she needed to break this habit since she was never going back to her time or to her ship. Jim looked at her confusingly but Roman just kept her face calm trying her hardest to not laugh. "You also should take care of your hair, it gets all gray and you get a bit of a bald spot." Roman gently pulled out some of his hair, so he wouldn't feel it and let it fall to the ground. "Oh look its starting." Jim looked at her with scared eyes as his hair fell to the ground which made Roman burst out laughing. "Still gullible as ever."

The sacredness in Jim's eyes was replaced with anger. "That was not funny."

"Yes it was Kirk." Rowan said as she joined in Roman's laugh, causing her to get a glare. Rowan rolled her eyes and looked at Spock. "Get some sleep hun. I'll let you know when we get home."

* * *

The bright afternoon sun beated down on the rocky grounds and the small breeze made it seem a bit cooler than it actually was. Rowan smiled as she walked into her home on New-Vulcan, she remembered buying this place with Spock and spending a month before her wedding here to spend time with her adopted kid, Ed, the Vulcan that she met on earth. She didn't want to leave her home especially since she was pregnant but her brother needed her help so she had to. Luckily she was allowed to leave early because of Roman. "Hey there little rascal." Rowan said to Ed, ruffling his hair.

"Greetings mother." Ed said back, supressing the happiness. He looked at the woman behind his mother and gave curt nod. "Greetings Roman, I'm Ed."

Roman looked at Ed and raised an eyebrow. "I know you are, Rowan told me about you but how did you know my name? We have never met before." Ed couldn't help but suppress a small little giggle from escaping. "Anyway, Rowan there is some matters we need to discuss." Rowan nodded and followed her into the main room where Spock and ambassador Selek were, not ready for what she was about to hear.

* * *

"How are you holding up?" Roman asked as she sat next to Rowan, who was still in shock and staring at the same spot on the wall for the past few minutes.

Rowan shook her head and snapped back to reality. She turned her attention away from the wall and directed it at Roman. "I just learned that my other self-got murdered on her wedding day and only her kid survived. So how do you think I'm holding up?"

Roman shrugged. "Good?"

"I wish." Rowan mumbled to herself. "Quick question are you going to stay with your father or here?"

"If you don't mind I would much prefer staying here. I never got to know you and I never spent time with you so I would like to make up for that." Roman confessed, smiling.

Rowan returned the smile. "I'm totally cool with that, I to would like to know about my future child. Since I am pregnant with most likely you at the moment." She chuckled. "I never thought I would ever say that."

"If it is a girl could you name her Roman?" Roman asked with pleading eyes.

Rowan shrugged. "I was going to name her that anyway, it's my favorite name."

Roman gave a nod of agreement. "Since I'm in a new time, I'll change my name to my middle name, Rachel."

Rowan let out a yawn and got up. "Alright, well I'm going to go to bed. Night Roman…I mean Rachel." She stumbled up the stairs and crashed on her bed, not caring she was still in her uniform, and let sleep finally take over.

* * *

Rowan woke with a start, cold sweat on her face and her distress was flowed into Spock side of the bond causing him to wake up. She snuggled closer to Spock, the solid reassurance of his body and the warmth of his breathe in her ear, always made her feel safe and protected. "What's wrong?" Spock asked his voice scratchy.

"Mirror verse still haunts me. I can't sleep without seeing…" Rowan never got to finish because Spock pressed his finger to her lips to silence her.

"Sh, what's done is done. Don't worry about it."

"After today, I can't help but worry about it." Rowan confessed. "Look, I can't put you through what Selek went through. I can't put my life on the line anymore; I want our child to know me, you, my family and your family. I can't put you through an emotional roller coaster of sadness and depression." She rambled on, her voice getting quieter as more sad ideas ran through her.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Are you inquiring that you go on absent leave until the child is at least two years old?" He asked voice full of hope.

Rowan nodded slowly. "You were right. What you told me on the day I graduated you were right and I'm sorry for not listening." She mumbled before falling asleep again.

* * *

A year and a half later

Sarek raised an eyebrow as he looked at his son's new home. He had been told by elder Selek two days ago that his son has purchased a home on New-Vulcan sometime last year. Sarek had been under the impression that Spock intended to remain aboard the enterprise for the full duration of the five year mission not a year and a half. So now here Sarek stood prepared to make his child see reason and return to his mission. "Father." Spock spoke as he opened the door.

Sarek stepped forward. "Son, I believe we have some matters to discuss."

Spock moved out of the way and allowed his father to enter. "Indeed we do."

Sarek moved into the house and stepped into the living room. Sarek's eyebrows shot up when he saw the disarray the large room was in. A dark green blanket was spread across the floor with alphabet blocks strewn over it. Sarek took several more steps into the room but stopped when he felt something soft under his foot. The Vulcan looked down at the stuffed purple jelly fish that rested under his shoe. "Illogical." Sarek mumbled.

"Who was at the door?" A short ravennette asked as she walked in. A light blue robe wrapped around her frame. There was a slight swell to her stomach and as Sarek's eyes trailed up further, he noticed the child she cradled, its head tucked against the crook of her neck. Sarek looked into a pair of familiar blue eyes, trying to keep his face an impassive mask. "Ambassador Sarek, greetings. I'm sorry about the mess I wasn't expecting any visitors." Rowan apologized with a curt nod.

"Mother! Father!" Sarek stepped back as a black and grey blur ran past him and launched himself at Rowan's legs. Rowan gave out a startled gasp as she was nearly knocked off her feet. "I had a nightmare; I think it was a vision." Ed mumbled.

Rowan took a moment to compose herself, placing a free hand atop Ed's head. "Come on Ed, let your father and grandfather speak." She said as she ushered Ed out of the room.

Spock and Sarek stared at each other as silence fell between them. "Spock please tell me what's going on?" Sarek finally said after a few seconds of silence. Spock gulped nervously not sure how to respond or where to begin. Sarek's voice became sterner as Spock failed to answer him. "I was under the impression that you and lieutenant Uhura were in a romantic relationship." The Vulcan said, attempting to stop disapproval dripping into his tone over the fact, he had been not informed of any of this.

Spock stopped himself from flinching, thinking that the tone of disapproval he heard in his father's voice was due to Rowan. "Father, I was blinded by grief. The one I loved, my T'hy'la, Rowan did not remember me and I was just merely a stranger to her. Also I lost my mother and my home. I needed someone and Uhura was there, she understood and when I came back, I remembered Rowan. She understood more, she lost the same thing I have." He answered; trying his best to convince Sarek Rowan wasn't that bad.

Sarek looked at his son not sure what to say, he understood everything he just wasn't sure how to respond. Something glinted in his eye so he looked down to see a gold band wrapped around his son's ring finger. "Why haven't been inform by any of this?" He asked.

"Why do I see anger in your eyes?" Spock asked. "You knew this day would come since you were there when Rowan and I were bonded."

"I no longer feel ill will towards Miss Seltar, she has proved she can be a valuable asset to our people." Sarek paused to take a breath before continuing. "However, I find the fact that you have knowingly lied to me, you have been bonded and had children." His face became stern. "And the age of your eldest suggest he was born just before you left for Starfleet, Miss Seltar would have only been fourteen or fifteen of age at that time and it was quite dishonourable of you to leave her in the state of parenting. This will explain why her mother and brother would not allow her to leave the house for such a length of time." He said, jumping to the wrong conclusion.

"Father, you are mistaking again. My eldest son is adopted, he was one of the survivors of Nero's act and being an orphan, Rowan adopted him. The newborn, Roman was born…" Spock stopped for a moment, if he said that he learned about her while on a mission, his father would be madder even though he wouldn't show it. "After we got married, a month after Rowan graduated from Starfleet."

Sarek regarded Spock for a moment before he began to speak once more. "And how long ago did…Rowan graduate from Starfleet?"

"Last year." Spock said slowly, hoping his father wouldn't inquire about his daughter anymore.

Sarek raised an eyebrow as he noticed Spock's hesitation. "And how old is the child?"

Spock took a quick, barely noticeable breath. "A year old."

"Logic would dictate that you were in a physically romantic relationship with Rowan prior to your wedding." Spock hung his head. "Logic also dictates that I should accept what I am unable to change." Sarek's hand adapted the ta'al. "Live long and prosper, Spock."

Spock did the same. "Peace and long life, father." Sarek gave his son a curt nod before striding out and into the heat of New-Vulcan's midday sun.

* * *

Rowan walked into the living room and gave Spock a glare. "You never told your father about us? We've been married for a year and a half, we have two kids with another one on the way and you never told him?" She asked anger in her voice.

"What did Ed see?" Spock asked, trying to avoid the subject.

Rowan shook her head. "You're not getting yourself out of this one. Now answer me." She pleaded, mustering her best puppy dog eyes.

Spock sighed and answered her question. "He wasn't too pleased with my grandmother's choice when she choose you as my bondmate. I was going to tell him about us, I was just waiting for the right time."

"Great, my father in law hates me." Rowan mumbled, a pout forming on her face.

"No he doesn't, he told me that you are a great asset to our people." Spock responded.

"Stop lying. He hates me." Rowan said, giving Spock a small shove.

"Illogical, Vulcans don't lie."

"Oh really?" Rowan asked with a raised eyebrow. "Remember the first day of Starfleet and you lied to me about how you knew me?"

"I was simply twisting the truth around." Spock retorted.

"That's called lying you illogical idiot." Rowan snapped.

"Also illogical. I'm not an idiot or illogical, I'm rather…" Spock started to say before he was cut off.

"Just shut up." Rowan placed a finger on Spock's lips for a quick second and smiled. "Anyway, the answer to your question. Ed had a nightmare about some Romulan woman destroying New-Vulcan. It was just a nightmare right?" She asked, worry and concern in her voice.

"Of course, nothing is going to happen. Vulcans and Romulans are at peace with each other. Also I won't let anyone or anything hurt my family or home again." Spock answered firmly. Rowan nodded happily and hugged Spock.


	18. The Final Cut

**Chapter 18 the Final Cut**

**29 years later**

After all four kids grew up and went their separate ways, Rowan went back to working for Starfleet full time. Before she would work when she was needed or if there was an emergency and get Rachel (Roman Prime) to take care of the kids but she preferred being home. It took a while for Rachel to get used to way things were, after her ship crashed through the black hole that both Nero and Spock Prime went through and landed on some planet, she hasn't been the same but she enjoyed having Rowan's company since she never got to meet her mother. Ed who was the oldest and now thirty-nine years of age, managed to pass through school, graduate from VSA and became a member of the high council since he could see the future in dreams. Roman, the oldest biological child who's now thirty, graduated Starfleet and became the captain of the USS Chimera. Spock Jr., was named as an inside joke since he looked like his father after he had an accident with the transporter and became a toddler. His middle name, the one Spock often referred to was Damien. Like his year older sister, he graduated from Starfleet and became a science officer on the same ship as his four year younger sister, T'peera who worked as an engineer.

* * *

Spock slowly pulled back Rowan's black hair that had started to gray in small areas away from her sleepy face and kissed her cheek before whispering, "good morning vaksurik (beautiful)," in her ear.

Rowan rolled over and opened her eyes to see brown, a sigh escaping. "Morning." She said in her scratchy morning voice before throwing the covers over her head. "Why are we up so early? We don't have to work, I want my sleep."

"Rachel has informed me that your brother wants to see us. It's urgent."

"Can't he wait a few hours?" Rowan asked impatiently, burying her head in the pillow. "Sleep is more urgent."

"I'll go see what's wrong and send you the information afterwards." Spock replied, getting out of bed.

A warm hand grabbed his wrist and refused to let go. "You're my only cold source on this hot planet, don't leave." Rowan whimpered.

"I advise you let go."

Rowan huffed and let go. "Happy?"

"Happiness is an illogical emotion."

"Shut up about logic." Rowan giggled softly, shaking her head. "So what's the oh so urgent problem that I have to get out of bed on my day off for?"

* * *

Rowan walked behind Spock to the family room in silence since Spock still had failed to answer her, either he knew and didn't want to say or was completely clueless about the situation, which is very rare for Vulcan's. They both sat down on the couch across from Jim, Rowan curling up against Spock even though it bothered him, she liked the comfort and the cold. She was surprised to see that all her kids were there along with Jim, Aaliyah and McCoy since they never called or informed them in any way that they were coming down for a visit which made worry build up inside Rowan's stomach. She clung onto Spock's arm tightly and tried to keep her breathing at ease.

"Zale's missing." Aaliyah whispered, a small tear trickling down her cheek. Zale was McCoy's and Aaliyah's son; even though the two never got married (they thought marriage would ruin everything).

Rowan's small smile disappeared quickly and her blue eyes darted around the room, looking for Genevieve. She always made everyone smile and laugh no matter the circumstance but the realization fell. After yet another traumatic experience on the Enterprise, she got fed up and left, the only time Rowan saw her was the occasional Christmas or New Year. "So what is everyone doing here?" Rowan asked, not meaning to sound rude.

"I thought you should know." Aaliyah answered, grabbing hold of McCoy's hand. "I also need someone to find him but your clotpole prat of a brother won't do it."

"Hey watch it with those British swears, I know what they mean." Jim snapped. "I don't want to be kicked out of Starfleet."

"Guys please don't start fighting." Rowan pleaded. When everyone had calmed down, she continued speaking, "I'm guessing the reason why Roman is here is because she has her own ship and crew but T'peera, Ed and Spock Jr. what are you three doing here?"

"We all want to help so we devised a plan." Ed began to explain. He was about to continue but stopped short when he saw his mother's glare.

"No I won't allow it!" Rowan stated clearly, having trouble keeping her voice at a reasonable tone.

"You didn't let him continue." Spock reasoned.

"I don't care, I won't let him. They could get hurt and he's already injured as is."

Ed placed his hand on the scar he had received from the explosion of Vulcan and occupied the side of his head under layers of black hair since he refuses to have it cut. "I understand your concern, the plan wasn't logical anyway."

"Well since none of you have the guts, I'll go." Roman spoke up. She was the most human of all her siblings and sometimes the bravest. Her wavy black hair rested on her shoulders and was occasionally tucked behind a small tipped ear while her eyes were a piercing blue and her arched eyebrows were hidden under a small layer of bangs, in ways she looked more like her mother. "Where was he last seen?"

Aaliyah started shaking as tears started to flow like a river down her cheek. Since she had refused to answer, McCoy did instead.

"Hold up!" Rowan cried. "There's no way you're going to do this Roman. You could lose your ship, your crew and get yourself injured or worse…killed." She gulped nervously, her grip tightening on Spock's arm.

"I am well aware of the risks and I'm willing to take them." Roman nodded curtly and got up. "I'm going to get him back." She promised before walking out the door.

"Roman T'Lai'na Schn'Tgai get back here right this instance or there will be hell to pay!" Rowan yelled getting up. She sank back in the couch as the doors closed and buried her head in Spock's shoulder. "Everyone out now!"

* * *

After tossing and turning in her sleep for so long, Rowan finally gave up and rested her head on Spock's chest. She saw one of Spock's spiral writing tattoo's poking out of his sleep shirt and traced it slowly with her finger, the cool skin making her giggle quietly. She had always loved the Vulcan markings that represented the house name, the clan and the first name that was until her Vulcan brother turned against her and her markings became scars of a painful memory.

Rowan sighed softly and got out of bed, heading towards Roman's old room and flicking on a light. She looked around at the bare walls and the still made bed before curling into a ball on the floor and thinking of simpler times.

* * *

Rowan rested her head on Spock's lap as he meditated. The fourteen year old looked up at the half Vulcan's focused face, beating down the urge to reach up and touch one of his slanted eyebrows. "Why do you not rest?" Spock asked, cracking an eye open to regard Rowan's bright blue eyes.

A soft laugh broke free from her lips, "because logically you're more interesting." She teased. Spock sighed before he gently rubbed at her round ears, a barely visible smile tugging at his lips as Rowan sighed in pleasure. The human stared up at the night sky as she enjoyed the feeling of Spock's cool body temperature. As she stared at the stars she couldn't help a sad sigh.

Spock raised an eyebrow "what is it that is troubling you Asahyam (beloved)?" He asked giving her his full attention.

"I can't help but feel like something's missing" Rowan whispered, "like beyond those stars there's people who I need to meet," she shrugged "stupid right?."

Spock pulled Rowan up and turned her so that she was sitting in his lap and facing him. "It is not, as you say, stupid. It is in human nature to wish to explore"

Rowan laughed softly and leaned up to brush her nose against Spock's. "When I go to the stars, you'll come with me won't you?" She asked raising an eyebrow of her own.

Spock bit back a forlorn sigh. "If the VSA should allow it I will follow, but the stars may not be for me"

Rowan laughed loudly, "of course they are! I know you want to be out there as much as I do!"

Spock went to brush their fingers together in a Vulcan kiss. "When you are content I shall be the same, even if we are not in space."

Rowan rolled her eyes before she kissed the half Vulcan firmly on the lips "don't give up your dreams just to make this illogical human happy."

* * *

Spock woke with a start as he felt distress, he threw the covers off and went looking for Rowan only to find her on the floor curled in a ball and crying softly. He sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug, something he barely ever did and tried his best to calm her down from whatever was troubling her.

"I hate what I became. I'm a terrible, terrible person. I should've done something; I should've gone after her. I'm not a Vulcan or human, I'm a nobody who's a terrible mother and sister." Rowan mumbled, letting all of her insecurities out. "I'm in every way illogical."

"You're insecurities are illogical." Spock responded, reassurance in his voice.

"Yeah what a great sister I am for being kicked out of the family I grew up with." Rowan scoffed with a laugh. "And what a great mother I am for letting my daughter risk her life and her job." She nuzzled her head in the crook of Spock's neck, afraid she was going to lose him and sighed sadly as her eyes started to shut from lack of sleep. It wasn't long before she felt herself being picked up and blankets were wrapped around her. "Thank you." She mumbled before finally falling asleep. Things may have not turned out the way she wanted but at least she had a feeling something's were going to get better. As long as she had her family and somewhere to call home, she was perfectly fine with that even if they weren't perfect most of the time.

_**The End!**_


End file.
